


Not You, Anyone But You *UNFINISHED*

by robertstanion



Series: My Dear Evan Hansen fics idk what to do with [5]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: M/M, Soulmates AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-08-19 11:15:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 24,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16533548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robertstanion/pseuds/robertstanion
Summary: "I can't believe School Shooter Murphy's you're soulmate!" Evan stared at Jared for a while. Every person, except for a few aromantics Evan knew, including Jared, had one eye of their natural colour and one of their soulmates. A quick glance with quick eye contact and both eyes return to your normal colour. For Evan, that was Connor Murphy. Evan had one brilliant blue eye with hints of green on the outer rim. Connor's eye, however, was not a dark brown like any cliche fanfiction, it was a hazel with whisps of grey in it. So when Evan and Connor accidentally made eye contact and Evan saw Connor's face drop, he knew. And his mistake? His mistake was that he told Jared.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> crack edit me accidentally made a soulmates au while listening to panic! at the disco, apologies. also im british so we only have 5 periods instead of 6. drop me a comment if you're confused.

 

The end of Maths burned Evan's skull. He  _HATED_ Maths seeing as he was with both Connor Murphy and Jared Kleinman in that class. Jared Kleinman, his dick family friend. Heidi took whatever strength she had in her to get Evan to talk to Jared; but now, Jared just used him so his parents would pay for his car insurance. And Connor Murphy. The thing about Connor is that...he bought a gun into school last year. He was expelled for 2 weeks, but that doesn't mean being in the same room doesn't trigger Evan's anxiety. He sighed as his foot hit the ground. Evan's right eye began to burn. His mother had told him that, in their family, if their 'other' eye began to burn, it meant their soulmate was near. Evan rubbed the hazelish grey eye with all his might to get it to stop burning. Did it make it worse? Of course it did. Evan's natural eye, his bluey green one, remained calm. The clock was at the back of the classroom, so logically, he turned around to check. But someone caught his eye. Evan met Connor's eyes and saw Connor's soulmates eye fade from blue to hazel briefly.  _Tell me I'm dreaming..._ Evan thought trying to get the picture of Connor having the same coloured eyes.

Every child is born with two different coloured eyes. If you couldn't decipher from the text before this, the soulmate's eye colour is in the right eye and the natural eye colour is on the left. In Evan's case, he has a piercing icy blue eye with undertones of green around the inner and outer rims whereas his soulmate's eye colour was a honey-golden hazel type colour with streaks of grey in the mix. And Connor, well, Connor's natural eye was a honey-gold hazel type colour with streaks of grey and his soulmate's eye colour was a piercing icy blue with undertones of green in the inner and outer rims.

Evan felt himself shake. This couldn't be happening? Could it? Connor Murphy could NOT be his soulmate! The bell rang and Evan picked his bag up and ran into the semi-crowded corridor. He pushed his way through the crowd feeling an anxiety attack approaching and went to find Jared's car. Actually, fuck Jared's car for today, he's walking. On the walk back home, he could have sworn someone was following him. There was almost a luminous shadow behind him, in front of him, everywhere around him. But everytime he looked, nobody was there. So Evan sprinted the remainder of the way back. 

* * *

"FUCK MATHS!" Connor screamed at the end of Maths, drawing some attention. His maths teacher, Miss Geraldine Fitzberg, was used to this attitude, and realising sending Connor to the principle would do nothing, she continued to teach. Connor readjusted his earplugs so they were comfortable and turned  _Death Of A Bachelor, Panic! At The Disco_ up louder. He checked the clock on his phone. 3 minutes. When he looked up from his phone, he met the wandering gaze of Evan Hansen, a small kid in his year who he pushed over on the first day of every year. It sort of became tradition really. Also the kid he had a massive crush on. But the one thing you learn coming from the Murphy family is not to cry and to hide your emotions or else you will get teased. He accidentally spilled his second grade crush, before he knew he was gay, where he supposedly liked a girl. Zoe wouldn't let that go. Zoe's the only one to know he's gay, but he has no recollation of telling her, unless he said it when he was drunk. He probably did when he was drunk, but Evan Hansen's eye, his right one, began fading to blue. Connor drew breathe and immediately broke eye contact.  _No. This can't be happening!_ Connor threw his head in his hands, clearly stressed, then the bell went. Connor pushed his way past everyone, knocking people down like skittles, and sitting in Zoe's car. Zoe appeared several minutes later. She had a green left eye and a darkish coloured eye on her right. Little did she know, that was Alana Beck's eye. "Con, you look "stressed" Zoe snorted. Connor glared at her. Zoe looked at his eyes. "HOLY FUCK! YOU'RE EYE! IT'S HALF FADED!"

"Zoe, I know..." Connor sighed. He threw his hands up to his head and leaned back in the chair. 

"WHO IS IT! YOU HAVE TO TELL ME..." So Connor did. Zoe screamed and passer bys looked through the car window. 

"Great, now everyone knows you scream like a girl-"

"Rude..." Zoe spat. 

"And they think I just murdered you." Connor lit a cigarette outside the window as Zoe began to drive in the opposite direction to the school. 

* * *

 

"I'm sorry...let me get this straight...Connor 'School Shooter' Murphy is your  _soulmate!"_ Jared wheezed, tears coming out of his eyes as he struggled to draw breathe. 

"It's not funny Jared! I'm genuienly scared!" Evan said, looking at himself in the mirror, tempted to hang up on Jared. 

"Scared! Boy, same!" Jared burst out laughing and Evan hung up. He looked at his now completely Hazel eye and slid against the door. He hid his face as he began to cry. Heidi wouldn't be home for another hour. He could think of what he was going to do now. He couldn't just die because he didn't want to encounter Connor again. Evan hadn't spoken to him, let alone even  _thought_ someone as beautiful and as confident as Connor would be his soulmate! Evan loved everything about Connor from his eyes to his hair to his piercings in his right ear. And he wasn't afraid to admit it either! But Evan...Evan was scared of Connor even if he was deeply in love. And he had been, for about 1 year. 

* * *

"ZOE DON'T!" Connor snatched Zoe's phone out of her hand as it began to ring Evan. She burst out laughing. "Zoe you can't do something like that!" He shouted through gritted teeth. Connor felt tears sting his eyes as he slammed the car door. Fumbling with his own house keys, he kicked the door open and slammed that behind him. Cynthia sighed as she heard the door slam. "DADS NOT HOME, CONNOR." Cynthia shouted. 

"I DON'T GIVE THREE FUCKS!" He screamed. There was a twinge of sadness woven into his voice that Cynthia had seemed to miss with her 17 year old son. Zoe came running in shortly afterwards. "Has he said anything?" She said, turning to her mom. Cynthia shook her head and continued preparing for dinner. "He found out his soulmate. He's not happy about it." Zoe said and walked into the living room. Cynthias phone recieved a text. She sighed as she picked the text up. "tell zoe to go to alanas for a bit idk i need to talk to you and i need the house to be alone." It was off Connor. Cynthia gasped as she rang Alana Beck. Whyever he had Alana's number she couldn't remember, but she knew she did. "Hey Alana, this is Cynthia Murphy-"

"Oh hey Cynthia! If you want Zoe to come over, tell her we still have the Spanish assessment to work on."

"Thanks Alana." Cynthia smiled and walked into the living room. "Zoe darling, you have a Spanish assessment with Alana?"

"FUCK I DO! Thanks for the reminder mom!" Zoe grabbed her jacket and ran out the house. Cynthia retreated back to the kitchen where she shortly heard a slamming of a door upstairs. What was she going to do? She hadn't had a formal conversation in what? 7 years?! Still, Cynthia sat, sipping her coffee, remaining as calm as she could at the kitchen table. 

Connor took a deep breathe and sent the text. "This is it, Con. You're going to fuck it all up!" He told himself. He heard Zoe shout something about something followed by the locking of the front door. He slammed his bedroom door by accident and made his way down the stairs where he saw his mother sitting at the table. He pulled a chair out and sat down and stared at the hard oak (oops accidental dick joke ignore that.) table. "What did Zoe say?" Connor whispered. "Because if she said  _anything_ about the soulmate incident, that's what I want to talk to you about." Connor finally faced his mother. Half of his eye was still a piercing blue, half was hazel. Cynthia spluttered on her coffee and placed her mug on the table. She gave a soft smile. "Start when you're ready." She said with that 'I'm your mother, I'm here for you' shit. Connor sighed. 

"Remember when I thought I had a crush on that girl in Grade 2? Well, that was a lie. I realised it wasn't a crush at all and it was just my tiny body being fucked up. Few years ago, I don't know when, I finally found out who I was. I developed a crush on someone and oh my god mom, they were angelic not going to lie. The only problem was...well...I'm just going to say it. I'm gay. And my soulmate's Evan Hansen, Heidi's kid, the kid I bullied in Grade School. Kick me out, I don't care." Connor fought the tears back. 

"W-Connor! I didn't know-"

"Mom, I'm not your stereotypical gay, okay, and this is what you need to understand. Larry's a homophobic prick and won't want to set eyes on me if the secret that I'm gay gets out." Cynthia stood up at the same time as Connor. Cynthia hugged her son,  _tight._ Connor let a few tears fall. It was finally something he got off of his chest, and he had to admit, it felt pretty good to finally be loved. 

 


	2. Why?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WhAt Is ThIs i heAr, a sEQUeL sOmEBoDY WanTeD, A SeqUEl yOu ShAll gEt  
> -  
> answers in this chapter  
> focuses on:  
> connor and evan's past a tiny bit

"Is it true?"

"Have you heard?"

"Look! He's still got half his original eye colour!"

"That's not right!"

"Does it class as rape if you hate your soulmate?" Thats things that were spat at Connor as he made his way into school. How had people found out about his soulmate? 

"HEY MURPHY!" Jared Kleinman's voice rang out across the crowded hall. Connor froze, waiting to throw hands. Jared looked...slightly worried. Connor smiled at that. "You're gonna wanna see this."

"Not if you have anything to do with it-"

"It's not me! It's............." Jared said trying as subtly as he could to motion to his eye. Connor raised his hand to his eye.  _Evan._

* * *

Evan had stepped foot into school after having an anxiety attack in the car, an anxiety attack outside the school and another 4 this morning. People automatically became silent, and Evan knew why. They all knew. They all knew Evan Hansen,  _the_ Evan Hansen, was the school shooter's soulmate. He made his way to his locker where he placed his books carefully against the shining metal. "There he is..." Someone snarled from behind him. Evan stopped and almost became a statue. He slowly turned around on his foot after closing his locker ever so gently. He noticed the corridor was empty, excluding these 4 people. Evan looked at them. Their names were known by many around the school. Why were they well known? Well, some may say they are absolute assholes, others say they'll basically leave you for dead. Their names were Jeremy Karki, Christine Tamworth, Harry Esterfield and George Fredrick. And that's what they did, beat Evan up. 

_-Flashback-_

_Evan was 9 and he was playing with Jared in the playground. "Hey, have you seen Connor Murphy? He looks lonely..." Jared said. Evan smiled._

_"Imma talk to him." Evan said and walked across to where Connor was sitting. Connor was sipping apple juice from a carton when he saw Evan. Evan's eyes began to burn which meant his soulmate was near, but he didn't know which girl it was! "You're Connor Murphy, right?" Connor nodded. Someone genuinely wanted to speak to him. "I'm Evan Hansen. I'm your friend now." Connor smiled. "That's my sister Zoe, you've got the same eye as her! Maybe you two are soulmates?" Connor said, unaware of the future. He pointed to Zoe who was running around with her friends playing some sort of princess game. Evan smiled a toothy smile. But that all changed two weeks later when-_

_"YOU HIT HER, DIDN'T YOU?" Connor screamed at Evan as he pinned him against the wall on the playground._

_"I DIDN'T TOUCH ZOE I WOULDN'T DO THAT!" Evan cried._

_"YOU F-F-FRICKING HIT HER!" Connor said and slapped Evan's face. Hard. His head hit the brick wall and he fell to the ground where Connor began to kick him in all places. Teachers had to wrestle Connor off of Evan and Connor was sent to the headteacher's office. Evan didn't understand why Connor would think he hit his sister? If Zoe was his soulmate, he wanted to be nice to her, not to bully her! Connor proceeded to bully Evan for the next 4 years until they were in seperate classes which, by the way, was a dream. But Evan shortly realised he...he did like Zoe before, but he felt the same way towards Connor. But wanting to have a boyfriend if you were a boy was bad, right? Everyone would hate him? At the age of 13, Evan was researching what would happen if he did like a boy and he was a boy and soon came to the conclusion he was bisexual. He wouldn't tell anybody about it. But he loved Connor. He loved his hair, he loved how he painted his fingernails, he loved his earpiercings, he loved his eyes, he loved Connor Murphy, his bully._

_-End Of Flashback-_

"Evan?" Jared shouted. Evan couldn't move. Jared ran off and returned about 12 minutes later. Evan was still being beaten up then. They weren't giving up. But then, each one of them were pulled to the floor and Evan was pulled into a bathroom nearby. Jared, presumably Jared, locked the door. Nobody said anything, but Evan sat himself up. A hand reached out in front of him, but Evan's vision was blurry so he couldn't exactly decipher who's it was. But he knew for a fact it wasn't Jared's tanned skintone, it was a pale shade. Evan was in a bathroom with an entire stranger. The door clicked open after someone had picked the lock. "Evan I fucken fought them off!" Jared said, closing the door. 

"T-Thanks, I g-guess..." Evan stuttered, still trying to forget the event that just took place. 

"Do you want me to call Heidi?" Evan nodded, placing a hand up to his head. It was bleeding, he could feel it. Evan shut his eyes. "Fuck, no signal. I'll explain to the office, they love me." Jared said and left. 

* * *

"When we get there I'm taking Evan with me and you're pulling the bastards down." Connor said sternly, focusing on the target, to Jared. 

"Aye aye sir." Connor proceeded to glare at Jared and he got a flashback of when they were 9. 

"SHIT!" Connor shouted and ran down the hallways to where the gang was beating Evan up. Connor's heart began beating quicker as he approached Evan. He'd wanted to hold him close for so long...but not for this reason. He wanted for it to be meaningful. Connor grabbed Evan's arms and dragged him into a nearby abandoned bathroom. He slouched Evan down by the sinks and when Evan went to sit up, his hand outstretched before he could stop it.  _Connor Murphy, you're about to fuck everything up._ Connor thought, sitting down on the floor, looking at Evan. When Jared came in, failed to contact Evan's mom and left, Connor did the dumbest thing he could think of doing. He grabbed a tissue from his bag, because he genuinely carries them around. "Press this against your fucking forehead instead of your hand." Connor said, thrusting a tissue on to Evan's bleeding forehead.  _Well done Connor._

"Why?" Evan said, well kind of shouted. 

"What?" Connor said, slightly frustrated. 

"Why did you do it! All those years ago? Why did you think me, Evan Hansen, of all people, would slap Zoe!" Connor froze. 

"We're not having this conversation here."

"Well apparently we are! I want to know why you beat me up that day. Thanks to you I have social anxiety because I'm too scared to t-talk to people!" Evan relaxed. Connor noticed that Evan had become severely tense. "As I've said, I'm not having this conversation."

"I DON'T CARE!" Evan shouted. That took Connor by shock. 

"Fine. I'll tell you. You, Evan Mark Hansen (canon btw, read the novel) were spending time with my sister because I said you were soulmtes. Little did you know her eyes were green. Mine are the fucking hazel ones but you're too oblivious to know. You touched her face and I mistook it. There we go. You got your answe-"

"Yo Evan, Heidi's coming to pick you up. Connor, Heidi wants to speak to you." 

_Great._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any questions please drop me a comment!


	3. The Office

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor drew a sharp breathe.   
> "Mister Murphy..."  
> "Please, just Connor."  
> "Fine, I want to know everything." Connor stared at Heidi wide-eyed as he sat on the floor.   
> "Funny story actually..."

The school bell rang indicating the end of the day, but obviously Connor wasn't departing home. He was going to the office. "Con? You okay?" Zoe asked, jogging to catch up with her brother. "I've got to go to the fucking office! Heidi Hansen wants to see me." Zoe gasped. The last time a Murphy had talked to Heidi Hansen was when Heidi found out Zoe was the reason Evan had been beaten up, and then Larry got involved. That was horrendous. Connor didn't hear the end of it for like 3 months. "Please...please come inside with me Zoe I'm genuinely scared of that woman!" Heidi was a sweet woman at heart, but she could...say things she didn't mean without thinking. Connor held his breathe. Zoe shook her head and smiled ignoring the crowds. "Of course! I'm not just going to let you go in there with her. For I've had experience." Zoe waggled her eyebrows and Connor tried not to laugh. He failed. They soon approached the office and it seemed to be alone. Connor pushed the door open to see both Evan and Heidi in there. "funnnn..." Connor muttered under his breathe and Zoe stifled a laugh. "You wanted to talk to me?" Evan tensed up. 

"You're right. I did." Heidi said, looking at Connor and noticing his blue eye. "Alone."

"Well Evan's here so my sister can stay." Connor said grabbing her wrist. Zoe let it happen. 

"Mom I'm um-"

"You go honey." Heidi said, excusing Evan from the scene. As soon as the door shut, Heidi stood up and faced the Murphy siblings. "Why do you have Evan's eye?" Heidi said, looking directly into Connor's right eye. 

"A lot of people have that coloured eye, Miss Hansen!" Zoe tried to explain. 

"I know my sons eye when I see it now tell me the reason you have his eye!"

"I think you already know the answer to that question." Connor crossed his arms and looked Heidi directly into the eye. 

"Mister Murphy..."

"Please, just Connor."

"Fine. I want to know everything."

"Funny story actually. Evan approached me when I was what Zoe?" Connor faced his sister. 

"9?" Zoe said giving an answer. 

"9. He was my first friend. Til I thought he slapped Zoe, whomst is my sisterth. Obviously  _I_ didn't know I was gay til I was 14 so there we go."

"Evan's not gay...at least..." Heidi's face went pale. "Oh my god...he could be bisexual or asexual or pansexual or demisexual a-and I didn't even know any of this! I should really be there more for him and more observant!" 

"M'aam. It's alright." Zoe said, reassuring her. 

"I think it's best if we go..." Connor said running out the room, accidentally pushing Evan to the floor for like the 18th time and running home. 

* * *

"MOM WE'RE-!" Connor began to shout but was cut off by something else. 

"NO LARRY YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HE'S OUR  _SON!"_ Were Cynthia and Larry talking about him? And he didn't know. Zoe walked in and Connor silenced her. Zoe quietly shut the door and walked to the door. She pressed her ear against it and listened closely. "I DON'T CARE IF HE'S OUR SON I DON'T WANT HIM ASSOCIATING WITH THAT SO CALLED SNOBBISH FAMILY!"

"LARRY THEY ARE  _SOULMATES_ FOR GODS SAKE!"

"FUCK SOULMATES!" There was the sound of glass smashing and Zoe winced. "Cynthia. I will  _not_ allow my son to see that...that  _boy_ again. He's the boy who turned our son gay."

"He's not your son." Zoe's mom spoke up. 

"I'm sorry...what!?" Larry Murphy's voice began to grow louder yet again. 

"I said what I said. If you're going to be one of those "homophobes" because  _my_ son is in love with his soulmate who just happens to be of the same gender, that does not mean that you can be homophobic."

"Your point, Cynthia?"

"I want a divorce." 

"FINE! YOU GET YOUR DIVORCE! BUT YOU WON'T BE AS RICH AS YOU ARE NOW!"

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE MONEY! I CARE ABOUT MY KID'S SAFETY! I don't want them around you."

"FINE!"

"FINE!" And footsteps approached the door. Zoe, who just realised she had tears in her eyes, grabbed the taller boy's hand and pulled him upstairs into her room. 

"Zoe what the fuck?"

"Mom and dad are getting a divorce. Mom found out about your soulmate somehow? Jared probably told her via posing as one of her friends. But...dad's homophobic." Connor gasped. "No fucken way..."

"Connor is this the right time to say I'm a lesbian?" Connor choked on the almost water he was about to drink. "I'm a lesbian and I have a massive crush on Alana Beck and I have for so long!" Zoe let the tears fall. Her brother shuffled along her bed and hugged her tight as she cried. The Murphy family was being ripped apart. But Zoe still had faith...somehow.

* * *

Evan buckled in and didn't expect the words "Is Connor Murphy your soulmate?" To tumble out of his mothers mouth. Evan blinked furiously trying to think of a return. "Because if he is, I didn't really think you'd be  _that_ kind of person. Oh my god I'm sounding homophobic! Evan, sweety, just know I really really love you and as long as he doesn't hurt you, if you love him, I'm ok. He's your soulmate. And that's a bond you should try to hang on to. That's what me and your dad tried to do for so long until it ended. That's why my eyes are the same. Because I found him in high school when  _I_ was 17 in a really rough time. So Evan, if you're gay or bisexual or pansexual or whatever, I really do support you." Evan smiled. "I-I thought you were going to kill me for being bisexual..." Evan laughed but cried at the same time. 

"Now why would I do that?" Heidi smiled a genuine smile. The Hansen family was being rebuilt and Evan still felt hope...somehow. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all like the endings?


	4. School.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You've got this, Connie." Zoe smiled, nudging Connor's arm. Connor felt a lump in his throat form. "I really can't Zo. Not in front of everyone..." Zoe smiled. "Well, we're both going to fuck our love lives up then!" She said as she went to go and find Alana Beck.

So today was the day the Murphy siblings would fuck their love lives up completely. Zoe was finally going to tell Alana Beck how she felt, and Connor was going to try to hold a formal conversation with Evan. But that was going to be hard seeing as everyone knew who's soulmate was who now. And it was after school and Connor was waiting for Zoe outside of school on the front steps. By the front steps, he means the wall. He was sitting on the wall. And Evan Hansen just happened to burst out the door. Connor, who had his headphones in, noticed the sudden rage. Evan threw himself on to the bottom step where his hands met his eyes. Connor jumped off the wall,  _LA Devotee_ by Panic! At The Disco playing, and sat a few inches away from the smaller boy. "O-Oh it's just you..." Evan sniffed. Was he crying? 

"Not glad, huh?"

"I know w-who t-told everyone about...." Evan's voice droned off into a quiet whisper. Evan didn't need to finish the sentence for him to know the last word was  _us._

"Do I want to know?" Connor retorted. Evan shook his head but said it anyways. 

"J-Jared did." 

"I FUCKING KNEW IT!" Evan looked up at Connor, who had stood up with fury. "UGH I'M GOING TO MURDER HIS ASS!"

"Connor...."

"HE IS  _SO DEAD_ OH JOY WHEN I TELL ZOE!"

"CONNOR!" Evan shouted. It took the brunette by surprised as he looked his soulmate in the eyes allowing his eyes to shift colour. "He did it to get a reaction. Now everyone knows that me, Evan Hansen,  _the_ Evan Hansen, the kid who almost jumped off a bridge last year, is the school shooters soulmate."

"I'm sorry you almost  _jumped off a bridge!"_ Connor hissed towards Evan, immediately sitting down beside him again. 

"I-forget I ever said that..." The blonde winced and almost on instinct looked towards the floor. "It was a really hard time and then you bought the gun into school and-"

"And  _there_ it is. The 'GUN INCIDENT' The one where I am now labelled the school shooter because Larry put a rifle in my bag, somehow, don't know how, to set me up so mom would come into school and see me get in trouble." Connor rambled. He realised he'd just called Cynthia 'mom' in the sentence. He hadn't said that to anyone else but, well, Cynthia. 

"I-we're not even together why do you care!" Evan said, trying to retaliate. 

"I'm your  _soulmate._ I don't have to know every single thing about you but it would be nice to know why you almost killed yourself."

"I had flashbacks from when we were 9 and I thought you were going to kill me. I was already on meds for my anxiety which, by the way, I still am, and I thought I might as well kill myself and get it over and done with!" Tears were streaming from Evan's eyes. "But it scared me so much when the word was passed into our class that you had bought a gun into school because, fuck I'm high on medication so I won't ever recall saying this, but I was scared the love of my life AKA YOU would do something so balistic I might as well die anyways!" Evan sobbed. D-Did those words really come out of Evan's mouth? Connor slouched on to the step. 

"Evan Hansen, I would  _never_ make the mistake that I did when we were 9 but I would hurt people that dare talk shit or do shit to you." Evan smiled. 

"You're pretty...you're pretty cool to be a soulmate." Evan hiccuped. 

"Evan, seeing as nobody else is around, do you...well, will you be my boyfriend?" Connor stuttered. He definitely fucked it up, but didn't expect Evan's reaction to be the answer of  _yes._ "CONNORCONNORCONNORCONNORCONNORCONNORCONNORCONNORCONNORCONNOR!" Zoe squealed jumping on her brother's back. Connor lit a cigarette but was winded by the heavy pressure on his back. "Fuck zoe what happened." Connor looked in Zoe's eyes and...they were both green. "OH MY GOD YOUR EYES!" Zoe squealed. Connor laughed. "Yeah, meet my boyfriend Zoe..."

* * *

Zoe sat in the car smiling. "You've got this, Connie." Zoe smiled, nudging Connor's arm. Connor felt a lump in his throat form. "I really can't Zo. Not in front of everyone..." Zoe smiled. "Well, we're both going to fuck our love lives up then!" She said as she went to go and find Alana Beck. "Besides, I never said you couldn't do it after school!" She barely missed one of Connor's infamous slaps-to-the-face when she approached Alana's locker with a note that read  _Hey Alana, according to my somewhat observant brother, he says I have your eye as my soulmate. You must have the green eye then. Can I just say that you are extremely smart and so pretty. I would die to have your hair ngl and your eyes. YOUR EYES ARE SO PRETTY! I hate having green eyes seeing as only 2% of the worlds population have green eyes, i think. don't ask how I know that I don't even know. Shit, gramatical error. Did I spell gramatical correct? I'm overthinking it. You're a year above me, you're in my brother's year actually and you were in his English in 10th Grade and you did that presentation on "Huck" Finn which he called something else. Oh shit I gave my identity away. Anyways I'm rambling on a piece of paper, can you do that? Um..but I do really love you and I would like to be your girlfriend if you would like to be mine - Zoe Murphy xox_

She slid the locker in the slot and ran from the scene. At break, there was a tap on her shoulder. Alana held the note in her hand and gave it back to Zoe looking quite solemn. Zoe gulped as she reopened her note that she had written to find the word  _YES_ in red sharpie on the note. Zoe beamed and looked at her girlfriend. They were going to be the biggest power-couple the dump of a school had ever seen. 

 


	5. The Assessment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're incredible, Ev! You can do it! It's only me!" Connor gave a soft smile, sitting on Evan's bed as Evan held a piece of paper in his hand. "I c-can't!" Evan stuttered, tears filling his eyes. Connor smiled again and walked towards his boyfriend. "Let me read it, at least Ev?" Connor asked. Evan clutched the piece of paper tighter. "I-It's personal!" Evan blurted. "We're in the same English, I'll hear it anyways." Evan shook his head. "I'll never be able to do it."  
> -  
> hey I'm british and by that we have a new marking scheme so I'mma present you the wierd ass letter-to-number grades.  
> 9=A*  
> 8= A-A* (A* at a highest)  
> 7=B-A  
> 6: B  
> 5: C-B (strong pass)  
> 4: C (standard pass)  
> -  
> just realised this is the only fanfiction I've written with Alana x Zoe as a tag where Alana x Zoe is mentioned. Wow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> car expert|? whos she  
> -  
> notice how in nearly every chapter a song by Panic! is mentioned? I listen to Panic! on repeat. And Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time just came on :)

_1 Month Afterwards:_

"CONNOR DON'T PUT PANIC ON AGAIN!" Zoe screamed, clambering over Connor's new white Hyundai. Connor laughed and the intro to  _All Star_ by Smash Mouth began to play. Zoe started violently headbanging in the backseat. Together, the two of them were picking their soulmates up to go to school, and Alana's house was nearest. "Okay! Thanks Con! You can put Panic! Back on now." Zoe said, clambering out the car and Connor smiled. He loved seeing Zoe happy. He seemed to care for more people than himself lately. But that's what love does to you, he guessed. Shortly afterwards, the intro to  _I Write Sins Not Tragedies_ came on and that's Connor's drug. That and pretty much any Panic song. Around 4 minutes afterwards, the two girls climbed back in. "Hi, 'Lana!" Connor said, cheerfully. 

"Hi Con, where's Evan?" Alana asked, fastening her seatbelt. 

"We haven't picked him up yet!" Zoe smiled, fastening hers. "And Connor is actually listening to Panic! At the Disco again, incredible." Zoe rolled her eyes and Connor let out a laugh which sounded more like a cackle. But the problem with being a Murphy is that they all have contagious laughs so the car was soon erupted into laughter. Several minutes later, Connor pulled up to the small Hansen Household. "Okay you two, put music on but as soon as my boyfriend gets in this car I'm putting Don't Threaten Me back on!" Connor said, flipping the two off. "AND ALSO NO FUCKING EACH OTHER!" Connor slammed the door shut and jogged up to the door, fastening his leather jacket as he went.

* * *

"Evan...sweetheart." Heidi said, gently nudging her son awake. 

"Whattimeisit." Evan yawned, unaware of anything seeing as he'd just been woken up. 

"Time for school! Connor's downstairs..."

"SHIT!" Evan shouted. "MOM GET OUT MOM L E A V E !" Evan shouted, ushering his mother out of his room and slamming the door. He grabbed a light blue polo shirt from the chair at the back of his room by his door and the jeans Connor and Zoe had bought him the other week. He slid his white Vans on and pushed everything off of his desk to try and find his comb. Eventually he found it and did whatever it took to try to tame the blonde, almost white, hair. He looked at his eyes and longed, now that he had Connor under his fingetips, that he could have two blue eyes. He sighed and slid down the bannister. "HI CON BE RIGHT THERE!" Evan said, quick walking to the kitchen where he poured himself a glass of water and took two of his anxiety tablets. "OKAY BYE MOM!" Evan shouted back to Heidi who was practically right next to him, and slid into the living room. 

"Right, Ev, you ready now?" Connor said, not looking up from his phone. 

"Yeah...I think so...." Evan coughed slightly and headed for the door. Connor grabbed Evan's bag and threw it on top of Zoe. 

"Hi Evan!" Alana greeted with a friendly smile. 

"Hi Alana." Evan said, strapping himself into the car as Connor put a song on. 

Alright _alright, alright alright..._ Brendon Urie, Connor's celebrity crush started over the speaker. 

"ALRIGHT ALRIGHT IT'S A HELL OF A FEELING THOUGH! ALRIGHT ALRIGHT IT'S A HELL OF A FEELING THOUGH!" The four in the car screamed. They sang the lyrics when it finally got to Zoe and Connor's favourite part. "I'm a scholar and a gentleman,  and I usually don't fall when I try to stand. I lost a bet to a guy in a chiffon skirt. BUT I MAKE THESE HIGH HEELS WORK! I've told you time and time again, I'm not as think as you drunk I am!" The two sang as they pulled up to the school. 

* * *

_Last Period, English_

Evan sat at the front, Connor sat at the back. Today, the class had to perform their assessments, which were in speech form, to their teacher to be graded. Except it was a new teacher. Evan was filled with nerves as the new teacher walked into the classroom. "Good afternoon class!" That voice...was familiar at most. Evan's head jolted up to see Cynthia Murphy at the front of the class. Evan turned around to look at Connor, who was on his headphones and not paying attention. "My name is Miss C. Murphy." Evan was still focused on Connor and he smiled. He'd be alright if it was Cynthia. But there were an odd 40 people in the class and the number made Evan's head spin. Connor glanced up from his phone and saw his mom at the front of the class. He did all that it took to keep his jaw from dropping. Cynthia had definitely  _not_ told him about that. "So from what I was told from Miss Trench, you have assessments today about someone or something you're very passionate about? Who would like to go first?" A girl, Jennifer Richmond, stuck her hand up straight away and basically ran to the front of the class. She held her piece of paper confidently and tossed her red hair over her shoulder. She performed a speech on  _Animal Cruelty._ Evan kept reading his. Before long, nearly all of the class had performed there's, including little Minnie Tankoy, the one with a severe stutter. "Okay and that leaves two people left, Connor and Evan?" Evan's eyes widened and begged Cynthia mentally not to make him go next. "Okay Connor's obviously not paying attention so let's have him up!" Jared wolf whistled and the rest of the class clapped. Connor held his phone up as he sat on his mother's desk. "Okay then, this what I call, 'The Most Perfect Person On Earth, Brendon Urie'" Connor began and performed a speech about Brendon. Cynthia was actually impressed. There was a round of applause and Evan soon realised what this meant. He thought back to last week when Connor had helped him with it so he'd heard a preview. 

_"You're incredible, Ev! You can do it! It's only me!" Connor gave a soft smile, sitting on Evan's bed as Evan held a piece of paper in his hand. "I c-can't!" Evan stuttered, tears filling his eyes. Connor smiled again and walked towards his boyfriend. "Let me read it, at least Ev?" Connor asked. Evan clutched the piece of paper tighter. "I-It's personal!" Evan blurted. "We're in the same English, I'll hear it anyways." Evan shook his head. "I'll never be able to do it."_

"Evan Hansen?" Cynthia called up. Evan gulped and looked at Connor. Evan sat on a chair during assessments because once, when he tried to stand up doing one, he fainted and fractured a rib so that was fun. Evan held the piece of paper up in front of him. "Um...I-it might be easier i-if I sing it instead of s-speak i-if that's ok?" There were soft whispers. Evan Hansen,  _the_ Evan Hansen, was going to sing his assessment. What was he? Some kind of lunatic! Apparently so. Cythia nodded and Evan held his piece of paper up. Evan took a deep breathe and Connor hit play so music began to play around the class. "M-My assessment is b-based on this year so um..."

 _"End of May or early June this picture perfect afternoon we share_  
_Drive the winding country road, grab a scoop at  A La Mode and then we're there_  
 _An open field that's framed with trees we pick a spot and shoot the breeze like buddies do_  
 _Quoting songs from our favourite bands,_  
 _'I'm not as think as you drunk I am'_  
 _And it's just us two! And we...talk and take in the view._  

_All we see is sky, for forever. We. Let the world pass by, for forever_   
_Felt like we could go on for forever this way_   
_Me and him, together, on a perfect day."_

Evan looked up to see Alana filming him. Connor was smiling so hard and when Evan looked at him, he hid his face. Evan took another deep breathe and felt more confident. 

_"We walked a while and talked about the things we could do when we get out of school_   
_Go and see a Broadway show or write a book or learnt to say no wouldn't that be cool!" People laughed and Evan smiled._   
_"There's nothing that we can't discuss like people wish would notice us but never do._   
_He looks around and says to me 'There's nowhere else I'd rather be!' And I say me too._   
_And we just...talk and take in the view. We just, talk and take in the view._

_All we see is sky for forever we let the world pass by for forever. Feels like we could go on for forever this way. This way._   
_All we see is light for forever_   
_As day fades to night for forever_   
_Cause we'll be alright when we're together again._   
_Two friends on a perfect day._

_And there he goes racing towards the tallest tree, from far across a yellow field I hear him calling 'Follow me!'_  
 _There we go wondering how the world might look from up so high_  
 _One foot, after the other_  
 _One branch then to another_  
 _I climb higher and higher, I climb til the entire sun shines on my face!"_ Evan hit a note so high and he looked around again to see people speechless.   
_"But I...suddenly feel the branch give way.  
__I shut my eyes and let it be  
__He grabs my arm, and he's got me. He's genuinely got me! And we're okay._

 _All we see is sky for forever we let the world pass by for forever_  
 _It was just him and I for forever this way, this way._  
 _All we see is light! Cause the sun shone bright! Together, we're alright for forever this way._  
 _Two friends, maybe possibly more than friends, on a perfect....day."_  Evan looked up as the music finished. Connor put his headphones back in and he was grinning from ear to ear. Evan let go of the breathe he'd been holding for a while. Everyone burst into a round of applause. It all happened so quickly, how Evan stood up to go to his seat. And then Connor stood up. "SORRY MISS BUT I HAVE TO DO THIS!" He shouted and basically ran to the front of the class where he bent down and kissed Evan. Another round of cheers and claps from the class arose and wanna know the best part? Alana had got it all on camera. 


	6. That Day, Spectacular

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan and Connor are alone when Connor has the wise idea of filming Evan singing a song and posting it online.

"I GOT A 9!" Evan squealed, looking at his song he made about Connor. Alana had kept that video and shown Zoe and Zoe had cried. The reason was it was so precise with how it was worded that it was magical. Zoe hated being the youngest in her friendship group, aka, Alana, Connor and Evan. The other 3 were 17. Connor smiled as he wrapped an arm around Evan as they walked through the corridors together. It was official. The couple were out to the school. Most were supportive. By most, they meant everyone  _but_ Jared who still thought it was funny to use gay as an insult. The two walked to Alana Beck's locker where they always met up after school. Zoe had quit jazz band so she could spend more time with her mother and brother. And it was the best decision she had ever made, that's what she kept telling Connor. "G'd evening Miss Beck." Connor said, snatching a hair tie off of Zoe's wrist recieving an extremely pissed look off of his sister. Connor tied his hair up and Evan gawked.  "Evan you're doing the thing again!" Zoe smirked and Connor almost slapped her. "You cried at his speech leave him alone." Connor said, opening his locker which was coincidentally next to Alana's. 

"You kissed him." Zoe retaliated. 

"I WAS PROUD OKAY!" 

"IN FRONT OF MOM!" Zoe burst out laughing. 

"Okay we're going home, Alana you coming?" Connor slammed his locker shut. 

"oops! Yep hold on!" She said locking up. "Okay lets go." 

* * *

"GOOD EVENING MISS!" Connor shouted at his mom. 

"Connor you're outside of school!" Cynthia said, holding a tea-towel and drying plates. 

"Yeah, I know. Anyways, me and Zo are gonna head to the garage? Shit sorry the shed!"

"You have a shed now?" Alana said, stepping inside. 

"Oh heck yeah we do! Come into our crib!" Zoe said, running with her girlfriend out back. 

"You're going to love this!" Connor smiled and slid his hand into Evan's. Together, they walked to the back garden and saw an oak shed. There were hums of music protruding from the inside; Connor pushed the door open. Inside was a full studio type thing. To the right were sofas and stools to sit on. In the centre back was a stage, like a proper stage, with a drumkit, a few guitars and some woodwind instruments alongside a few different microphones. To the left was filming equipment. "So Mr Hansen, what do you think?" Connor crossed his arms. 

"It's...wow!" Evan said, gobsmacked. 

"Hey! How about this, we film a song as a joke and then post it online, nobody has to see Evan's face so if Evan turns around on the stool..." Connor ran up on to the stage and pulled the stand around so it was away from the cameras. "And he could sing-"

"Who said Evan was singing anyways?" Alana mentioned. 

"Me, just now. So Evan can sit and sing here, I'll drum seeing as that's the only instrument I can play and Zoe can bass guitar and Alana can piano?"  Everyone nodded and Alana stayed behind the camera for the time being. Evan faced the wall. "Wait, what song are we playing slash singing?" He asked. 

"Well, Zoe knows pretty much most pop songs, Alana knows a lot of Panic! I know all of Panic." Connor smiled and Zoe scoffed. 

"Okay...do we all know High Hopes by Panic!?" Evan asked as everyone nodded. 

"Babe, if you will!" Zoe said and Alana clicked the camera. 

 _"Hi, I'm C.M and this is my idiot sister Z.M, behind the camera's A and in front of you is E. We'll be singing High Hopes by Panic! At the Disco, well E will...LETS GO!"_ As the chords began to play, Evan poured his heart out into the song. It seemed to finish too quick, but Evan realised that was just having fun. The camera clicked off and they watched it back. "Can I post this? PLEASE EVAN!" Zoe shook Evan. 

"Do it? It's not going to get any views or anything..." Boy was he wrong

 


	7. "Fame Rushed To Your Head, Didn't It"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I d-don't like....you don't understand!" Evan sobbed over the phone.   
> "And you went and did what?!" Connor replied fairly calmly over the phone.   
> "I didn't mean to C-Connor"  
> "I don't care! You did what you did." Connor snarled.   
> "You can't do this!"  
> "I'm not breaking up with you, Hansen! we're soulmates, we're meant to be together, but that doesn't mean one thing-"

So the video blew up, majorly, over the course of the next 3 weeks, the video went viral. This meant the group were to get noticed more, and it hurt a lot when something happened on the date of July 16th. 

Evan started school as normal and didn't expect to end up back in hospital. It was lunch and Jared approached him, fuming to how his 'friendship group' grapsed fame by the hands. And then the impossible happened.  _Jared kissed Evan._ "That should teach you." Jared snarled and walked off. In anger, Jared turned around and slammed Evan against a wall. It could have been a lot worse if Connor hadn't come along. By then, Evan couldn't feel his left arm...again. "Connie I can't feel my arm..." Evan sniffed. 

"That bastard!" Connor exclaimed, I'm getting Heidi on speed dial, I'm taking you to the hospital right now!" Evan sighed. He wouldn't tell Connor about Jared.  _He couldn't..._

The time, 21:55, Evan had just had his arm casted again by Heidi and he was going home. Well, he was at home and Connor had rang him. Multiple times. Evan gulped as he sat on his bed and answered Connor's calls. 

"You think you're funny, do you Hansen?!" Connor shouted over the line. Evan knew something was wrong; Connor hadn't called Evan 'Hansen' since before they started dating. 

"W-Connor?" Evan stuttered. 

"Fame rushed to your head, didn't it? Giving you the ability to go and kiss Kleinman like that!"  _Connor knew..._

"I d-don't like....you don't understand!" Evan sobbed over the phone.   
"And you went and did what?!" Connor replied fairly calmly over the phone.   
"I didn't mean to C-Connor"  
"I don't care! You did what you did." Connor snarled.   
"You can't do this!"  
"I WISH I COULD!" Connor screamed. "Look, I'm sorry."

"No. you don't want me anymore. And that's perfectly fine! I knew I wasn't good enough for a Murphy, I knew I didn't have a shot. So yeah, I get it your breaking up with me. But don't think I. Don't ever think I, Evan Hansen,  _the_ Evan Hansen, would kiss Jared Kleinman and cheat on someone he has liked for ages  _and his soulmate!"_ Evan continued to cry and hung up on Connor. Heidi soon came into the room. "Evvy?"

"Boys suck, mom." Evan sighed and Heidi nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the short chapter


	8. It's Fine For You, It's Fine To Flirt, It's Fine 'Til Someone Gets Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ^peep the mean girls reference  
> peep peep im a sheep sorry ill stop  
> -  
> "Set the scene!" Zoe said, grabbing a hold of Evan's arm. Evan tried to pull away but Zoe's eyes told another story. Evan resisted and sat himself down on a bar stool in the auditorium. "Evan please, set the scene. You've just had an argument because your soulmate and the love of your life has supposedly kissed your arch enemy! Imagine how broken that can leave someone, Evan! Not only that, when you confront him about it, he breaks up with you." Evan felt the past memories snake their way back to the present. "Hansen, the couple of months you and Connor were together, that was the happiest I've seen him for a while."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> Suicide Attempt  
> -  
> im sorry

"Hey Connor, this is Jared Kleinman, I would just like to let you know your boyfriend kissed me earlier in front of everyone in the corridor at school." Connor's eyes widened as he pressed the phone to his ear harder. 

"You're fucking lying!" Connor said, consumed with anger.

"I'm not!" Jared replied, sending Connor a photo of his lip slightly purple as if it had been kissed. Connor looked at the picture and blocked Jared's number and rang Evan. Multiple times. He didn't answer until half an hour later. 

"You think you're funny, do you Hansen?!" Connor shouted over the line. Connor heard a slight silence over the line. Connor hadn't called Evan 'Hansen' since before they started dating; was that a good enough sign to show Evan he was pissed. 

"W-Connor?" Evan stuttered over the line, scared and stuttering. 

"Fame rushed to your head, didn't it? Giving you the ability to go and kiss Kleinman like that!" Connor heard a gasp emerge from Evan;s lips

"I d-don't like....you don't understand!" Evan sobbed over the phone.   
"And you went and did what?!" Connor replied fairly calmly over the phone.   
"I didn't mean to C-Connor"  
"I don't care! You did what you did." Connor snarled.   
"You can't do this!"  
"I WISH I COULD!" Connor screamed. "Look, I'm sorry."

"No. you don't want me anymore. And that's perfectly fine! I knew I wasn't good enough for a Murphy, I knew I didn't have a shot. So yeah, I get it your breaking up with me. But don't think I. Don't ever think I, Evan Hansen,  _the_ Evan Hansen, would kiss Jared Kleinman and cheat on someone he has liked for ages  _and his soulmate!"_ And wth that, Evan hung up.  _They were over._ "FUCKING EVERYTHING!" Connor shouted. Luckily, he was home alone for now. Cynthia was still at school, teaching an after school club and Zoe was at Alana's. "No one would fucking care if I died right now, would they?" All at once, all of Connor's suicidal thoughts came back to haunt him.  _You're not good enoug, being gay's a sin, everyone hates you etc._ Connor debated to himself to whether he should get it over and done with now, or cut first. He grabbed a chair from his desk and centred it in the middle of the room. He looped the rope around a metal hook that was in his room so it formed a noose. Connor sat at his desk now, in the dark, with just a light shining, and wrote a note. Tears fell from his hazel eyes to the paper. He wrapped his favourite hoodie around him before he stood on the chair in his chunky boots. His black nail polish was still chipped, he hadn't fixed that. It wouldn't matter now, though, would it? In seconds, he'd strangle himself to death, and nobody would blink an eye. So he slid the rope around his neck and kicked the chair backwards and let himself hang. Cynthia had just opened her front door and stepped inside when she heard a clash from upstairs. She ditched her bags and slammed the door shut. She knew it was from Connor's room. She ran up the stairs in her teal uniform and her silver-beige coat. She pushed Connor's door open and flicked the light on. She screamed so loud it was unheard of. She didn't know what to do. How long had Connor been hanging for? With trembling hands, she texted Zoe. 

_Cynthia: Zoe, you need to come home...now._

_Zoe:.... okay why? me and alana were about to fuck :(_

_Zoe: jks jks mom i'm holy_

_Cynthia: Zoe, now isn't the time! I walk in from work and...._

_Cynthia: i found connor hanging from a rope._

_Zoe: YOUR JOKING NO! MOM!_

_Cynthia: *sent picture*_

Why Cynthia took a picture of her dying son she didn't know, but she would do whatever it took to make sure he lives. 

* * *

_The day, July 17th, the time, 16:23_

Evan had drama last period so he went to go and pack up. He was the last one in there...until the door crashed open. It was Zoe. "Oh! Hi Zoe!" Evan said, cheerfully, picking up his props. "We need to talk. Now. And by now I don't want to hear it!" Zoe sniffed. She'd been crying. It wasn't her fault, she had so much going on. She was almost sent home from school because she almost threw up from crying too hard. "Zoe, I'm sorry but I really have to go!" Evan said trying to push past her. Zoe grabbed Evan's non-casted arm. "Set the scene!" Zoe said, grabbing a hold of Evan's arm. Evan tried to pull away but Zoe's eyes told another story. Evan resisted and sat himself down on a bar stool in the auditorium. "Evan please, set the scene. You've just had an argument because your soulmate and the love of your life has supposedly kissed your arch enemy! Imagine how broken that can leave someone, Evan! Not only that, when you confront him about it, he breaks up with you." Evan felt the past memories snake their way back to the present. "Now imagine this because this is the part _you_ weren't there for. After you hung up on him, my brother left a note on his drawer. He had his favourite hoodie wrapped aorund him, his nails still weren't painted and he was wearing his favourite boots. Evan, mom walked in after school yesterday...he tried to hang himself." Zoe pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket and forced it into Evan's hands. Evan slowly read the note. 

_To,_

_The Murphy's and co._

_I'm 17, I know who my soulmate is, I finally have a good relationship with my family and I couldn't be happier because I'm going out with my soulmate? Right? Well you guessed fucking wrong! Approximately 5 minutes ago,...oh fuck this is where I start crying, hence the fucing tear stains. If there are typos, I can't see, my eyes are teared up. Anyways, he broke up with me because he kissed Jared Kleinman. Looking back at it, Evan would never cheat on me but we're over and it's sent me into an overwhelming loop of "being gay's a sin, you're not loved etc. I already know that so I have some things to say before one of you finds me hanging from a rope, hopefully dead. ]_

_Mom, Cynthia Murphy, the woman who bought me into this life. I'm sorry, if you're the one to find me, I'm sorry you had to find out this way. My blades are stored in the bottom draw of my cabinet. If I do survive, bin them. I can't stand to be in that room either. You've probably taken a picture and sent it to Zoe who is probably at Alana's. Cynthia, I'd just like to say one thing. Thankyou. Thankyou for staying strong when Larry couldn't come to terms with the fact his own son was gay. Thankyou for staying strong through the divorce, and thanks for letting me kiss Evan in English that one time I love you for that. I love you for everything. Even though I might not display it...like ever. I'm glad you got to see me smile one last time before I died. I love you, mom. Don't ever forget it._

_Zoe, my sister. I love you so so much it's not even funny. I know how difficult you're going to take this. I already thought of that. You will find in my top drawer your birthday presents. In total, there should be 6. I think I should tell you them now though seeing as you'll be crying and won't know what any of them are. Number 1. the orange package. You will find those shoes you begged dad for when you were 3. They were discontinued in 2008. I have my ways of getting things though. And that is because I have a cousin who has a cousin who called a couple more. If you can't remember what they are because you have a memory like a goldfish, The black ones with the chunky heel with the gold zip. Number 2 + 3, the pinks. The smaller one is tickets for you and Alana to go and see Panic! Next year. the other is panic! merch, i can't remember. 4+5, your prom outfit. We went shopping and you said to me "Connor, if I ever go to prom, I want a fucking exaggerated dress but it has to be so gothic it's unbelievable and flats." Well we went shopping that one time and you found a navy dress you fell in love with and golden heels. They're in there. Number 6 is in newspaper. I've made this one myself. I cut up several of my old hoodies and turned it into a dress for you to wear. I'm sorry, Zo. But I love you so much and I swear, if I pull through, I might cry when I see you._

_Evan Hansen. Oh yeah, don't think I didn't cry while writing this. Imagine me hanging from a rope and pop the p. IMAGINE HOW FUCKING FRUSTRATED I AM THAT BECAUSE OF YOU, MY NOW EX AND MY SOULMATE, I WANT TO DIE. Just think of that._

_-_

_Connor Murphy_

 

"Hansen, the couple of months you and Connor were together, that was the happiest I've seen him for a while." Zoe said sadly. "He's at the hospital, he's unconscious at the minute, he probably will be for the majority of the month, the hospital speculates. But, mom wondered if you want to come to the hospital to see him, one last time?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .............................and you can kill me now.................................


	9. Just This Once

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "NO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS!" Zoe screamed, her hand flying towards Connor's limp one.   
> "I'm sorry Miss Murphy, he's been like that for too long, it's unlikely he'll wake up..."  
> "Let me try something, please! Please you have to let me try this sir please..." And the nurse gave in to the solemn girl.   
> -  
> based off those textposts where it's like  
> Nurse: we have to let them go  
> Friend: wait lemme try something  
> Friend: M-  
> Me: -ICHAEL IN THE BATHROOM BY HIMSELLLLLLLLFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By Popular Request (or asked by one person called Dinosaurus btw i stan your user) I'm Back With More Bitches, If You Read The Summary You Will Understand I Cried Writing This Chapter. Thanks.   
> the chapter where i use too many big words :)

Cynthia drove as quick as she could to the hospital where Connor had been driven. Both Evan and Zoe were in the backseat, Zoe was keeping Alana updated on everything. And Alana swore not to say anything to the school about Connor's suicide attempt, whether it was an attempt was yet to be discovered. Evan hadn't said anything for the journey...or since the interaction with Zoe at the auditorium.  _His soulmate, an attempted suicide, Connor could be dead! Connor could be dead because of him..._ And that lead to now. Evan was consumed in guilt and grief. It wasn't a good feeling. How was he supposed to tell his mom if Connor was gone? "Evan...we're here." Zoe said, nudging Evan. Zoe didn't blame Evan, if anything, she blamed Connor, Connor for overreacting and not listening closely to Evan's words. He constantly jumped to conclusions. Evan climbed out the car and Zoe followed her mother. Everyone in the area knew the Murphys. They were one of the richest in the town, so it was a fair surprise when two out of three of the Murphys and a mysterious boy accompanied them. A mysterious boy with two shockingly blue eyes and the fairest hair one had ever seen. Eyes turned as Cynthia was lead through to a private ward. Zoe was scared to go inside, to say the least. So many questions raced through her mind, was he ok? Would he be awake? Is he even alive? "It's a sustainable injury, however, the chances he'll make it through this coma he's put himself in are very slim." The nurse said before walking off. Cynthia took a breathe and, with a trembling hand, pushed the door open. Connor couldn't look any more angelic, even with the tubes that were on his face. His brown hair seemed to be a lot lighter and bouncier than Zoe had ever seen. He was wearing his signature grey hoodie that he loved so much, his jeans and his boots. The boots he adored. And he looked so peaceful. Occasional bleeps came from the heart monitor and Zoe slid into a chair beside Connor. It was strange, the last time he was in hospital, he'd fractured a rib, and even then he wouldn't stop talking about Brendon Urie. But...this was perculiar to Zoe. Her brother was either awake and stoned and pissed, or half asleep and quoting Panic! At the Disco in every sentence. But never like this. Ever. Evan saw Connor and tears filled his eyes. How had he let something like this happen? "I'll be right back...I'm going to the bathroom." Evan said and Cynthia, with a sad smile, nodded. Evan didn't come back.

* * *

_ZOES DIARY:_

_August 17th:_

He was supposed to be awake by now, but I guess my family's just stricken with bad luck. It's unfair. He doesn't deserve to be on a life/death basis. It's scary. I've gone to see him every single day without fail. I even drove myself there when mom couldn't take me. I'm a regular and I know the staff who attend to Connor by name now. 

_September 17th:_

He twitched his hand today and I burst into tears. I thought this was it. It wasn't. He's been out for 2 months. 

_May 20th:_

It's Connor's birthday today. I sang a cover for youtube in Connor's honour, but haven't bought myself to post it. Everyone at school knows now. 

_June 17th_

ELEVEN MONTHS HE'S BEEN UNDER. They've been talking about taking him off life support. I'm going to fight for Connor. I'm 17 now. And Connor's a legal adult, and he missed the most important birthday, because of a fucking SUICIDE ATTEMPT! I'm so unbelievably angry it's hard to put it in words. If only you could see me now.

* * *

_July 17th, the next year_

Zoe strolled into the hospital, scared of the consequences. It had been 1 year since the incident. And Zoe strolled in, stronger than ever, as a 17 year old, with issues at home. Cynthia and her had grown stronger over the past year, and it was scary how much Zoe resembled Cynthia sometimes. Cynthia still worked full time as a teacher. She had been promoted to deputy headmistress half a year after she had begun working. That meant a better income, that meant they could pay the bills now. That meant they could help Connor if he woke up.  _when_ he woke up. (typo was deliberate.) But this time, when Zoe walked into Connor's room, there was a sudden change in the atmosphere. It was tense. Connor's doctor approached the young girl with flat eyes. No emotion present in them at all. "Miss Murphy, we weren't expecting you!" The doctor said, trying to sound shocked. 

"I have come every day since last year to see my brother. What the fuck is going on, James." Zoe spat as she walked over to her unconscious brother. The doctor sighed and spoke the words "We have to take him off."

"NO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS!" Zoe screamed, her hand flying towarda Connor's limp one. 

"I'm sorry Miss Murphy, he's been like that for too long, it's unlikely he'll wake up..."

"Let me try something, please! Please you have to let me try this sir please..." And the nurse gave in to the solemn girl.

"Just this once." And the doctor stood at the other end of the room as Zoe pulled out her camera and her phone. She recorded herself on the camera making sure it was on. Zoe got an instrumental up on youtube and held Connor's hand. "Okay, let's try this then...." Zoe began shaking as the intro began to play. 

_Do I look lonely?_   
_I see the shadows on my face_   
_People have told me I don't look the same_   
_Maybe I lost weight_   
_I'm playing hooky with the best of the best_   
_Put my heart on my chest so that you can see it, too_

  
_I'm walking the long road, watching the sky fall_   
_The lace in your dress tingles my neck, how do I live?_

 

_The death of a bachelor_  
 _Oh oh_  
 _Letting the water fall_  
 _The death of a bachelor_  
 _Oh oh_  
 _Seems so fitting for_  
 _Happily ever after (woo)_  
 _How could I ask for more?_  
 _A lifetime of laughter_  
 _At the expense of the death of a bachelor._ Tears had forced their way out of Zoe's eyes as she continued singing. She never took her eyes off of her brother, hoping to see something. A sign that he was still alive. 

 

 

_I'm cutting my mind off_   
_Feels like my heart is going to burst_   
_Alone at a table for two and I just wanna be served_   
_And when you think of me am I the best you've ever had?_   
_Share one more drink with me, smile even though you're sad_

 

What Zoe didn't notice was an arm shielding Connor's eyes. 

"I'm walking the long road, watching the sky fall. The lace in your dress, tangles my neck, how do I live?" A soft whisper sang along. Zoe didn't notice the signs until the next chorus. She could see Connor singing along. When the song ended, she cut the camera off and looked at him. She was in shock. Did that actually just happen or was that her mind playing tricks on her? "Miss Murphy, you've won your case. I'll call your mother." Zoe nodded as the doctor left the room leaving Connor and Zoe in there alone. Connor slowly removed his arm from his eyes. "Fucking lights...oh my god Zoe?" Connor whispered, looking at his sister. 

* * *

"I'm cutting my mind off. Feels like my heart is going to burst. Alone at a table for two and I just wanna be served. And when you think of me, am I the best you ever had? Share one more drink with me, smile even though your sad." Whoever was singing this song put so much passion into their voice. But this was Connor's song  _Death Of A Bachelor by Panic! At The Disco_ and he had to sing no matter how shit he felt. "I'm walking the long road, watching the sky fall. The lace in your dress, tangles my neck, how do I live? The death of a bachelor, oh oh oh, letting the water fall. The death of a bachelor, oh oh oh, seems so fitting for! Happily ever after, woo! How could I ask for more?! A lifetime of laughet at the expense of a death of a bachelor." The two sang. The music stopped and there was a small bleep. "Well, Miss Murphy, you've won your case!" Connor now knew it was a relative of his. But he only knew of two female relatives he had. And that was Cynthia and Zoe. The doctor left and Connor slowly lowered his arm from his eyes."Fucking white lights..." He murmured, letting his eyes adjust. He slowly turned his eyes to see a strong female beside him. She had gingery-brown hair and green eyes vibrant and alive with laughter and happiness. There were tear stains on her eyes, and she was wearing a dress.  _A dress made of Connor's old hoodies._ "Damn Zo, puberty treated you well." Connor smiled a genuine smile. Zoe burst into tears. "I can't believe it worked!" Connor was confused. He didn't know what she was on about.

"Zoe?"

"Connor, you've been in a coma for a year, you're 18..."

"And Evan?" Connor could somehow remember Evan but not why he was in a hospital in the first place. 

"We haven't seen him since last year..."

 


	10. A Chapter of 12 words so that we have 11000 words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> character summarys in this chapter, good luck not dying with laughter :) A proper chapter for chapter 11 :)

Connor: alive fuckers

Zoe: magical

Alana: pure 

cynthia: there

evan: missing

** _J A R E D_ **


	11. The Murphy's Good Fortune

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Zoe released the footage of her singing to her brother, awaking him from the coma on July 17th this year. The description reads 'My brother discovered his soulmate had been supposedly cheating on him a year ago today. He didn't listen to his soulmate and took the path in life where he would attempt to kill himself. He felt lost and alone seeing as me and my mother were at his school (my mother teaches, i study,) I got a text off of my mother around half 5 that night and I was at my girlfriends, my soulmates. She said he'd tried to hang himself. There was a note and I read it repeatedly. He'd left me birthday presents. For 365 days straight I visited my unconscious brother in hospital. Today the doctors were going to take him off when I sang Death Of A Bachelor by his favourite band. This bought him out of his coma. Since then, I've helped around 14 other families with their coma-induced kids.' She really is an inspiration to us all, and here are the Murphy's!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> evan might be in this one  
> ellen degeneres is in this one  
> brendon urie could be in this one idk yet  
> i did my research, deh actually takes place at Pasek's old school in Pennsylvania. google it if your still unsure :)  
> i made everything up leave me alone

"Connie oh my god..." 

"That's the dress I made you." Connor coughed slightly. He forgot what it felt like to be awake, he wasn't numb anymore. Nothing was black. It felt like he'd fallen asleep for 10 minutes, turns out that had turned into 1 year. And now, he was 18.  He'd missed his own birthday.

"W-Connie, oh my god you remember!" And Zoe let the tears fall again.

"I got the measurements right and...god you look fucking amazing!" 

"Connor, forget about the fucking dress for a minute!"

"I don't want to,  _I_ made it and I didn't think you'd actually wear it?!"

"Really? Well fun fact I wear this pretty much every week." Zoe confirmed. Connor was pale and he couldn't look anyone in the eyes yet, but oh my god he was alive. He was alive and he's there. Right in front of her. His two hazel eyes were the spitting image of what Zoe could remember. 

"Connie...can I post the footage?" She asked her brother, nerves consuming her entire body. 

"You're a miracle worker Zo! Go for it I almost died. Show the people what they want!" Connor said slightly sarcastically with a hint of happiness in his voice. 

* * *

_Zoe: MOM!_

_Zoe: MOM ANSWER YOUR PHONE_

_Zoe: MOM THIS IS IMPORTANT PLEASE ANSWER!_

_Cynthia: Is everything okay Zoe? Did something happen with Connor_

_Zoe: YES!_

_Zoe: Wait hold on let me send video._

_Zoe: Video sent_

* * *

Just like that, the video of Zoe singing online had gone viral. On the same day, mourning parents had prayed for a miracle to step into their lives, and Zoe Murphy just so happened to pass around the corner. She knocked on the door to be polite and when a parent opened the door, they asked the same thing. Either "Who are you and what do you want with my family?" or "Are you the miracle we've been praying for." As Zoe showed the video of her singing to Connor, she asked if she could give it a go. She sang 14 different songs to 14 different people, each being their favourite song. And just like that, in October of that year, when Connor was on cruthes to maintain his ability to walk, she got a message off of probably the biggest talk show in America,  _Ellen Degeneres._ And just like that, she, Cynthia and Connor were on a private jet to the studio.  It was surreal! 4 months ago, Zoe was in a hospital beside her presumed dead brother's bedside, now they were backstage at a studio.  _This was huge._ And Zoe felt her nerves go. Connor was extremely active back at home and had even expanded Zoe's  _Connor's Hoodie Turned Into Dresses_ Collection seeing as he had enough of them. And Zoe wore one proudly. "And finally for todays show, oh wait it's 15 minutes! OK we have plenty of time!" Ellen said over the speakers. "Okay so lastly on today's show we have bought a family over from Pennsylvania who have hit the news extremely recently." And the video rolled. 

_Incredible, 17 years old! She's an angel sent from heaven. That's what the press had to say about Zoe Murphy, a 17 year old from Pennsylvania. What is special about Zoe, you may ask? She bought her brother back from the dead. On July 17th last year, Connor Murphy attempted suicide, inducing himself into a coma. 1 year later and this video was made. *video ends* "Zoe released the footage of her singing to her brother, awaking him from the coma on July 17th this year. The description reads 'My brother discovered his soulmate had been supposedly cheating on him a year ago today. He didn't listen to his soulmate and took the path in life where he would attempt to kill himself. He felt lost and alone seeing as me and my mother were at his school (my mother teaches, i study,) I got a text off of my mother around half 5 that night and I was at my girlfriends, my soulmates. She said he'd tried to hang himself. There was a note and I read it repeatedly. He'd left me birthday presents. For 365 days straight I visited my unconscious brother in hospital. Today the doctors were going to take him off when I sang Death Of A Bachelor by his favourite band. This bought him out of his coma. Since then, I've helped around 14 other families with their coma-induced kids.' She really is one of a kind._

_"_ So let's give it up for Cynthia Murphy, Connor Murphy and Zoe Murphy." Zoe was in a state of shock. This was really happening. And she couldn't be more scared. 

* * *

"EVAN!" Alana shouted, banging on Evan's front door. 

"ALANA NOT KNOW!" Evan growled. Heidi was at class leaving Evan home alone.  _Or so he thought._ He was still in guilt about last year and he'd damaged all traces of social media either by deleting his accounts or deleting the apps, and when time came to tempt him to re-download, he smashed his devices. Alana shook her head and let herself in. She saw Evan laid out on the couch, eyes solemn and emotionless. He was also holding a TV remote. Alana snatched the remote out of Evan's hand and flipped to the Ellen Show. "Okay so lastly on today's show we have bought a family over from Pennsylvania who have hit the news extremely recently." Pennsylvania. That's where Evan lived. And Evan drew his attention from his book to the TV where he saw who he hadn't seen in over a year.  _Zoe Murphy._ Not only that, there was a video. A video of Connor.  _A video of Connor on television!_ He felt tears swarm to his eyes as he saw Connor begin to sing along to one of the most iconic Panic! songs, or so Connor said. "So let's give it up for Cynthia, Connor and Zoe!" Okay so the whole Murphy family was there. "Look Evan...look at them!" Alana hugged the smaller boy as his eyes widened at the sight of 3 familiar faces. One, a redhead with soft brown eyes with a motherly smile. She wore a teal blouse and white pants with black flats. The second, a tall brunette. His eyes were popping with life and he wore black. Of course Connor would wear black. And the last, Zoe. Her hair had gotten slightly lighter so it was more chocolaty instead of the auburn he was used to. Her eyes were full of fear, but adrenaline. And she wore a stunning black dress, a type Evan had never seen before.  _Connor was alive._

* * *

A massive cheer arose over the live crowd. Cameras were all pointing at her. She never expected to be here in a million years, and here she was. With her family. She took a seat by Connor as he tossed his head back letting his crutches fall to the floor. He crossed his legs and folded his arms as Ellen smiled. "I have to say, you all look extremely stunning tonight and I can't help but notice the three of you have both of your eyes so may you explain that to us?" Ellen asked. Connor nodded. 

"So basically, when I was back in high school. God this is going to sound  _so_ messed up now, but I was accused of being a school shooter due to me not knowing I had a rifle in my bag. How does one not know he has a rifle? That's because his dad had put it in my bag before. So I was at school and I was excluded for 2 weeks. I soon developed a crush on my soulmate who, by the way, is the prettiest human being on Earth excluding me and Zoe-" the audience laughed and Connor smiled "so logically, I didn't know how to handle my feelings. I pushed him over, every day, for a good few years. And in Maths last year I do believe, I found out he was my soulmate. The word soon spread  and I asked him to be my boyfriend. We split, as you already know, that was a hard time for me. So Evan, if your watching, just know that I woke up for you. For you and for Zoe." The audience clapped and then it was Zoe's turn. "So mom found her soulmate, at a young age, Connor helped me find mine. She is the light of my life and she pulled me through the times when Connor was in the coma, she came occasionally. She was the only one in touch with Evan AKA Connor's soulmate. And she's the best person I have ever met." The audience cheered once again. "So Zoe, that's an unusual dress you're wearing! Where did you get it?" Zoe locked eyes with Connor and Connor shrugged his shoulders and continued to admire his chipped nail polish that had faded in hospital. "I didn't get it anywhere. In fact, the person who made this is sitting right next to me. He made one for my birthday and then was so impressed he got me to model more." The audience basically screeched and Connor wrapped an arm around Zoe, proud. 

"Now I do believe you also sing Zoe?"

"I sing, sometimes, I sing with Connor more though."

"And you cover a lot of Panic! At The Disco."

"Yeah we do because Brendon Urie's hoT!" Connor shouted with a smile. "Joking joking." The audience laughed and wolf whistled. 

"Would you mind giving us a spin?" Ellen asked as she held up two microphones. 

"We'd be honoured." The siblings said together.  They walked over to the flooring space where two chairs sat. "Okay which one we doing?" Connor whispered. 

"How about we give them a bit of Lisa?" Zoe said and Connor nodded. 

"Performing a cover by Panic! At The Disco, the incredible Zoe Murphy, the angel sent from heaven and her brother Connor!"

_She paints her fingers with a close precision_   
_He starts to notice empty bottles of gin_   
_And takes a moment to assess the sin_   
_She's paid for_

_A lonely speaker in a conversation_   
_Her words are swimming through his ears again_   
_There's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you've paid for_

_Say what you mean_   
_Tell me I'm right_   
_And let the sun rain down on me_   
_Give me a sign_   
_I want to believe_

_Whoa oh oh oh oh, Mona Lisa_   
_You're guaranteed to run this town_   
_Whoa oh oh oh oh, Mona Lisa_   
_I'd pay to see you frown_

_He senses something, call it desperation_   
_Another dollar, another day_   
_And if she had the proper words to say_   
_She would tell him_   
_But she'd have nothing left to sell him_

_Say what you mean_   
_Tell me I'm right_   
_And let the sun rain down on me_   
_Give me a sign_   
_I want to believe_

_Whoa oh oh oh oh, Mona Lisa_   
_You're guaranteed to run this town_   
_Whoa oh oh oh oh, Mona Lisa_   
_I'd pay to see you frown_

_Mona Lisa, yeah_   
_Pleased to please you_   
_Mona Lisa_

_Say what you mean_   
_Tell me I'm right_   
_And let the sun rain down on me_   
_Give me a sign_   
_I want to believe_

_Whoa oh oh oh oh, Mona Lisa_   
_You're guaranteed to run this town_   
_Whoa oh oh oh oh, Mona Lisa_   
_I'd pay to see you frown_

_Say what you mean_   
_Tell me I'm right_   
_And let the sun rain down on me_   
_Give me a sign_   
_I want to believe_

_There's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you've paid for_ The two sang. By the end, people were sobbing and cheers arose yet again. 

"Now here's something you weren't expecting today." A deeper voice said from behind them. And there he stood, Brendon Fucking Urie. Zoe actually screamed as he placed a hand on her shoulder. Connor had dreamt of this day for years.  _AND IT HAPPENED!_ The Murphy's were speechless.  "So as you know, I am pansexual legend Brendon Urie from Panic! At The Disco and I was actually sent a video of Zoe singing to Connor and I was like 'I have to meet these kids!' And here I am! So I'm delivering you you're prizes so, you get free VIP tickets to my show in Pennsylvania next month. Zoe, you also get a professional recording booth to go in your shed at home, if I'm correct, for you to record your own music. And for Connor, Connor gets several hundred new layers of fabric and a signed hoodie by me to turn into dresses. And for you Cynthia, here's my number. Keep in touch!" Connor was still shocked, had Brendon Urie actually signed a hoodie for him? But the Murphy's were ecstatic, they had Brendon Urie's number. This was the Murphy's lucky streak. 

* * *

Evan heard Connor sing and burst into tears. He smashed his phone and had no way of communicating with him. And he was broke. Heidi walked through the door and saw Connor on TV and Evan full on sobbing. "He's so perfect!" Evan kept repeatedly saying. And he really was. Connor's life was perfect now, and he wouldn't need Evan? Right? Wrong. Because that show wasn't performed live, that was performed last week, and guess who was in the garden shed where Alana had set everything up. 

 

 


	12. Fucking Forget It, Ok?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Connor smiled as he heard the shed door open”   
> “Alana I don’t want to do this I-I’m not ready!”  
> “Just talk to him, Evan!” Alana said, closing the door behind her leaving two soulmates in the same room.   
> “C-Connor oh my g-god your a-alive”   
> “I don’t know, am I?” Tones of sarcasm were present in his voice.   
> “S-stop with t-the s-sarcasm for o-once!” Evan tried to sound tough but nothing happened.   
> “Why should I? Especially when I know you, of all people, didn’t even come close to touching me the day I feel under”  
> Shit. Zoe had told him he’d only gone once, hadn’t he. He was so screwed.  
> “W-What?”  
> “DONT FUCKING LIE TO ME, EVAN I KNOW YOU DIDNT VISIT!” Connor screamed tears poured out his face.   
> “So why are y-you here in m-my backyard s-shed?”

Evan heard Connor sing and burst into tears. He smashed his phone and had no way of communicating with him. And he was broke. Heidi walked through the door and saw Connor on TV and Evan full on sobbing. "He's so perfect!" Evan kept repeatedly saying. And _he really was_. Connor's life was perfect now, and he wouldn't need Evan? Right? Wrong. Because that show wasn't performed live, that was performed last week, and guess who was in the garden shed where Alana had set everything up.  _Connor._ "Evan, come with me to take this to the shed." Alana smiled, her plan falling into place.

"Okay..fuck he really is perfect Alana!" Evan dried his eyes and followed Alana out back to the shed. He pushed the door open and didn't pay much attention until he noticed the lights were already on. (i have a light in my shed fuck off) "Wait..." Evan said turning around to see Alana hadn't even followed him. Evan turned back around, fear consuming him as he felt his anxiety on the brink. And there he was. In all his glory. And he looked so beautiful and Evan couldn't contain it. 

* * *

Connor smiled as he heard the shed door open. His eyes snapped sharply to the blonde in the room who looked around anxiously for Alana. "She's not here, Hansen." Connor made himself known. He made himself present in the atmosphere. And Evan knew it.   
“C-Connor oh my g-god your a-alive!" Evan stuttered. That fucking stutter. Connor just wanted it over and done with and to hold Evan in his arms  
“I don’t know, am I?” Tones of sarcasm were present in his voice. "I think my soul's dead in that coma I was in for a year." There was a sense of tension in the air now and Connor knew it. He was only making it harder for himself. He was trying to get his relationship back, he really was. But...he forgot what it was like to communicate with somebody, but he wasn't just somebody, he was Connor's soulmate.  
“S-stop with t-the s-sarcasm for o-once!” Evan tried to sound tough but, if anything, just made him sound weaker,   
“Why should I? Especially when I know you, of all people, didn’t even come close to touching me the day I feel under” Evan's eyes grew wider. Yeah, Zoe told Connor Evan had gone to see him on the first day and no others. And  _Connor began to cry._ (never thought I'd type that sentence holy fuck)  
“W-What?”  
“DONT FUCKING LIE TO ME, EVAN I KNOW YOU DIDNT VISIT!” Connor screamed tears poured out his face.   
“So why are y-you here in m-my backyard s-shed?” The smaller boy regained some strength and had the  _guts_ to basically say to Connor 'I don't want you here'  
"Where do you want me to be." It was almost like the tension in the air was snapped in half and something finally clicked and to say the most, Evan felt terrible.   
"Connor! I-I'm s-sorry I d-didn't know y-you were hereforthatreason!" The words tumbled out of the blonde's mouth like word vomit. Connor smiled, ignoring remaining tears that were still dripping down his face like wet paint on a wall.   
"Evan! It's okay! Fucking forget it, ok?!" Connor tossed his hair out of his face and Evan saw that as an opportunity to hug Connor. And needless to say, he was shocked when Connor hugged him back. "Just forget I almost died because of some fucking rumour, focus on us. Okay Ev?" Evan's heart fluttered at the nickname, the nickname he'd longed to hear. 


	13. Nobody's Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Evan? Evan!" Connor tried to shout but couldn't as he could only see the scene unfold in front of him.   
> "And I'm passing out...." Evan said. Connor didn't see it happen himself, but he heard the loud thud of a microphone hitting the ground and he knew Evan had blacked out.   
> -  
> or the one where Evan put too much pressure on himself and passed out in front of his class.

It had been a week since Evan and Connor had gotten back together, and to say the least, it was almost like they never split.  _Almost._ There was the still consensual nagging in Connor's ear about how Evan hadn't bothered to visit him when he was in the coma. And Connor hated it. Every second of it, but they were rebuilding their relationship. "Ev?" Connor said suddenly, looking at the wide-eyed blue eyed boy. Evan jumped back slightly. "Y-yeah?" He relaxed knowing it was just Connor's soft voice. 

"You were a  _right_ idiot in English earlier to say you'd do the speech about some asshole Ben Platt tomorrow." (original, i fucken know)

"firstly, Ben Platt is one of my icons and s-secondly I'm regretting it already." Evan sighed but felt an arm pull him in for a hug. He was safe with Connor. Connor was taller and stronger than him. To think the last time Connor had fended someone off because of him was that time he was being beaten up in the corridor last year. Evan shivered, but Connor tightened his grip. "I'm not going anywhere, Evvy, okay? I'm staying here." Evan tried to relax but couldn't. So Connor stood up and helped Evan regain his balance and together they walked back to Connor's car. For hours upon hours they sat on the roof of the white car, staring out at the fading sunset. And Evan forgot all about the assessment, which would have been okay if he had prepared for it beforehand. 

* * *

"S-so I-I'm Evan Hansen and I-I'll be performing about B-Ben Platt... Okay so...Ben Platt b-born..." Evan couldn't finish his sentence. "Evan? Evan!" Connor tried to shout but couldn't as he could only see the scene unfold in front of him.   
"And I'm passing out...." Evan said. Connor didn't see it happen himself, but he heard the loud thud of a microphone hitting the ground and he knew Evan had blacked out. A crowd had gathered around the fair-haired boy and Connor pushed through. "Give him space!" Connor growled. Having the same rumour that you had once been a school shooter had its benefits sometimes as people gave him space. "I'm about to embarass myself in front of several tens of students okay but this is getting you, Ev, out of whatever state you're in so um...

 _End of May or early June this picture perfect afternoon we shared._ " 

"Mister Murphy-" The teacher began but Connor gave a sharp glare towards her and she stepped back.

  
 _"Drive the winding country road, grab a scoop at  A La Mode and then we're there_  
 _An open field that's framed with trees we pick a spot and shoot the breeze like buddies do_  
 _Quoting songs from our favourite bands,_  
 _'I'm not as think as you drunk I am'_  
 _And it's just us two! And we...talk and take in the view._  

 _All we see is sky, for forever. We. Let the world pass by, for forever_    
 _Felt like we could go on for forever this way_  "

"Me and him together on  a perfect day..." Evan hummed along to the tune as he regained consciousness. 

"And  _I'll_ take it from here seeing as I know my soulmate better than any of you lot do." Connor snarled and picked Evan up. Together they walked out the door. 

"SHIT! Heidi's going to kill me!" Evan panicked. 

"She won't I assure you..."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when we hit 1000 hits, I'm making a side-book (6/7 in the DEH fics idk what to do with series) based around baby Connor and Zoe from when Zoe was born to the events of DEH if you get me? idk i thought it'd be cool.  
> and thanks for your feedback! it's really given me confidence. I stopped writing after a bad experience I had after I uploaded one of my best marked essays from class on here, word for word, and it got so much criticism I took it down. Publishing this, I was scared the same thing would happen and you have all been so supportive of just an idea I had one day! I can't thankyou enough!


	14. The Murphys And The Performance Of A Lifetime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Can I come over?"  
> "No babe I have to study!"  
> "We have no tests!"   
> "Seen..."   
> -  
> Over the course of a few months, Connor had left Evan on read and Evan was convinced Connor was cheating until he went to watch a small production in his theatre with a cast of 7 people...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo imagine connor murphy as whizzer

"ZOE MURPHY I DIDN'T KNOW YOU FUCKING AUDITIONED FOR FALSETTOS!" Connor jumped on Zoe's bed. 

"How did you find out?" Zoe said, going bright red. 

"I'm Whizzer in that certain production! I keep telling you this! We needed a new Trina anyways!" Connor saw Zoe go even brighter. "MY FAVOURITE LESBIAN FROM NEXT DOOR!" Connor squeezed the living daylights out of his sister. "Shit...today's the 20th isn't it?" Zoe asked. 

"Yeah and?"

"That's when rehearsals start for the production...."

"oh shit..."

* * *

Fast forward to the little theatre that was little but is huge inside, kind of like the T.A.R.D.I.S, but with music. 

"HEY WHIZZ!" Someone wearing a grey beanie shouted from on screen. 

"HEY MENDEL!" Connor replied. They all, as a joke, referred to each other as their cast names. "HEY GUYS, WHIZZ HAS BOUGHT A GIRL!" The guy shouted back and a few other people emerged from behind the black curtain. Someone jumped down and Zoe began trembling. "Hi, I'm Oliver, the stage manager, you must be Zoe!" Zoe nodded. "Come with me, Whizz, you go get ready." Connor nodded and joined his mates. Oliver showed Zoe around. "Oh, and call me Ollie. I'll introduce you to everyone." Ollie pushed a door open and people were on their phones, two people were embraced in a hug. "So you've met our Whizzer who's Connor, our Mendel's Alex, our Jason is Sammy, our Marvin is George, our Cordelia is Carrie and our Charlotte is Mikayla. Guys, meet Zoe our new Trina!" Everyone cheered. So the casting was sorted, and rehearsals commenced. Zoe watched backstage with Mikayla and she couldn't help notice how much fun Connor was having. She hadn't seen Connor this happy in a while, so they both found light in the gayest musical of all time, Falsettos. 

* * *

It had been 3 months since Evan had seen Connor properly, and Zoe of that matter of fact. And their conversations usually went something like this now:

"Can I come over?"  
"No babe I have to study!"  
"We have no tests!"   
"Seen..."

So Evan couldn't see Connor anymore, that's basically what he was saying. And Evan went into overdrive. "Hey honey..." Heidi gently tapped on the door and saw Evan jump.   
"S-sorry mom..."

"Don't worry about it hon, hey! I got tickets to go and see Falsettos later. I thought that would give you a break from worrying about Connor!" Evan smiled. 

"I'll be down in a minute. 

* * *

And just like that it was showtime. Connor was gelling the shit out of his hair to tame it and Zoe had been in his dressing room styling it for the past hour. And so far, he was dressed in a white shirt with half the buttons undone, a brown leather jacket, brown pants and shoessss. Zoe was dressed in a vintage floral print dress with so. much. lace. And a minty green crop-cardi. "FALSETTOS PLACES PLEASE!" Ollie shouted. Zoe held a basket under her left arm and waited backstage. It was a low-budget production so you couldn't blame him for wanting to die on a chair. George Fredrickson, Marvin, was wearing a plaid shirt and blue jeans, Sammy Jones, Jason, was wearing a green shirt with striped sleeves and jeans and Mendel, Alex Davis, was wearing a brown jacket and a brown shirt and black jeans.  They each took position and they heard Ollie in front of the curtains. "HI AND WELCOME TO THE PLAYBOX HOW ARE WE ALL TONIGHT?" A cheer. "OKAY SO! You will notice leaflets similar to playbills but it's a low-budget production and we're not Broadway. So you will find those placed underneath your chairs and they were made by our wonderful Sammy Jones. So, if I ask to not take any pictures and to switch all phones off and to not post anything online thankyou very much and enjoy the show!" The lights went down and the curtains went up. The four jews in a room were in the wings holding a chair each. The music started and they waited until the third beat until they went on stage....

"Four jews in a room bitching." the four wink.   
"Four jews in a room plot a crime! I'm bitching, he's bitching, they're bitching, we're bitching. Bitch bitch bitch bitch funny funny funny etc. i cba to add the rest" 

 

_skip forward to the decent part._

"I'm Whizzer!" Connor throws his head back and almost falls off his chair. 

"I'm Jason!" Sam smiles and finger guns to the audience. 

"I'm Mendel..." Alex sounds genuinely done. Incredible. 

"I'm Marvin!" George jumped up and threw an arm around Connor but Connor ducked under it. At the end of the song, he looked to the audience only to see EVAN FUCKING HANSEN direct centre

 

 

 


	15. Changes Are Upon Us Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 noises, it could only be described as noises, came from down the corridor. People became alert. No way was this happening now. Connor was going to die a virgin, well half a virgin. He'd fucked other people before but not his soulmate so technically he was still a virgin...off topic. Connor was in art, second floor. Evan was basically opposite him in another art room. There were 5 rooms on that corridor, and wherever that noise was coming from was just down the corridor. He had no clue where Zoe was, or where Alana was, or how Evan was. And then the noises got closer. And it all happened so fast...  
> -  
> see it all from Zoe, Connor and Evan's POVs, see beginning notes for TWs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS:  
> School shooting  
> Anxiety attacks  
> -  
> NOTE: I'm lucky enough to live in a gun controlled country so I've never been in a shooting, or ever hope to be, so I'm only going off the media. This is an important chapter for character development. However, if this brings back bad memories, don't worry, there will be a summary at the beginning of next chapter without the shooting part. Hope you guys understand. Part 2 will uncover more things

"If I can have your attention for a brief minute, Mr Connor Murphy performed in an off broadway production of Falsettos for a couple of weeks and he did amazing!" Mr Yarrington, Connor's art teacher, declared. Connor smirked and continued to draw in the guidelines for his final piece, which happened to just be Evan and Zoe. "So, Connor, we were wondering, if you would accept this!" The brunette stared up at him and saw a case. Connor got up from his stool and saw everyone looking at him. He took the case off of his art teacher and opened it to reveal a guitar. How in the  _hell_ the school had found out he had a secret passion (kink...sorry what?) for guitar playing was a mystery to him, but he felt grateful and all, it was under 5 minutes until the class was back to it's chatty self and Connor sat on the table, not socialising with everyone. Not because he didn't want to, because he worked better when he didn't speak, or he got no work done whatsoever. And he tied his hair in a bun amd began to sketch the details. Connor had been a grade A art student since the beginning of his coursework, and he was one of the best. Nobody had to tell him, he knew it, because everytime he drew and held it up to the reference, it looked identical to a black and white version. "Connor stop fucking with my mind like that!" Jack Elix, a mutual of Connor's, said, admiring his artwork. 

"What! It's just my gorgeous soulm-" Connor was cut off and he heard something. They all did.  _Pop Pop._ Except, it wasn't like that. Connor gripped his pencil a little tighter, he held his breathe a little longer, and froze. 2 noises, it could only be described as noises, came from down the corridor. People became alert. No way was this happening now. Connor was going to die a virgin, well half a virgin. He'd fucked other people before but not his soulmate so technically he was still a virgin...but that's off topic. Connor was focusing on what to do with himself and it all happened so quick. It was cold and quick. Someone grabbed his shoulder and pushed him on to the ground. Connor scrambled under the shielded tables with the classmated. And he heard footsteps. They were so heavy, so near, so...so close. Connor shut his eyes and winced at the bangings. He didn't cry, he didn't scream, he was paralysed with fear, he was hiding underneath a table, in art, his favourite subject, because his school was being shot. The shots started slow, one every 15 seconds, and then it sped up, and he heard screams and with every scream he tensed up more and more, he was still holding his pencil and realised he couldn't let it break. He slid it into his jean pockets with trembling hands and then continued crouched against the table, his bag pressed against the shield. He heard at least 7 larger thuds, which he could only imagine were his students. The footsteps approached where he was again and his heart stopped, but they continued outside the room. And more shots broke the atmosphere. It soon settled in. "Camilla..." He whispered to the small girl next to him, who was a good friend of Zoes.

"Y-Yeah?" She had single tears falling down her cheeks as she trembled. 

"What room's Evan in?" 

"5B, next door, i-if anyone you should know that."  _SHIT!_ Connor screamed mentally, Evan Hansen,  _THE EVAN HANSEN,_ the kid who almost killed himself because of Connor, the teen with severe anxiety, and Connor's soulmate, was next door. Alone. Unaware that Connor was safe. 

* * *

 

Evan had gotten up to his art classroom before Connor, like he usually did. He smiled as he grabbed his canvas from the side. It was (NOT OF TREES, NOT OF CONNOR, I'M NOT A CLICHE WRITER) of Heidi. Evan wanted to do one of his mother because she'd been a huge part of his life, working for his ability to have whatever. He heard cheers from next door and he smiled. He began to paint. In the far end of the corridor, so Evan's end, were two art rooms. In the other three were Design and Tech, one was designated to cooking, the other to woodwork and the other to textiles. Evan was in the smaller of the 2 art classes with 12 people in it. About 11:41, Evan heard the scariest of noises he could ever imagine. They were loud and fierce, and  _close_ and he'd seen too many news reports to know what the fuck a gunshot sounded like. "Get down!" The teacher whisper shouted. Evan clutched the canvas, which was A4 in size, to his chest as he dropped everything and hid under the table. There had been drills. In the art classrooms, the tables had sides which his bags and things that could be locked to bolts on the floor hiding anything from view. They were to use them in case of lockdown. So Evan, trembling and in the midst of an anxiety attack, crawled under the shield, and with sweaty hands, locked the barrier to the floor hiding him from view. He sat trembling and all he could think about was  _Connor. The shooter was in with Connor. The shooter might have killed Connor. The shooter may have badly injured Connor. I might never see Connor ever again!_ And Evan Hansen,  _the Evan Hansen,_ realised today might just be the day he dies. Evan couldn't breathe and began to cry. He stifled his sobs as he heard three large thuds nearby him. He knew three out of 12 were either injured now or dead. And he really hoped they could be saved. What seemed like forever, the shooter's footsteps stopped by Evan. There was a gunshot that pierced through the wood by Evan's head. He almost got shot. And Evan couldn't shake that from his mind. He couldn't stop the tears as he looked at his mom on the canvas. It was still intact. The footsteps left the corridor and people began running, seeking help. But all Evan could do was crawl out from underneath the table and look around. He was too weak to stand, too scared. He had his back pressed against the side bench where all the paints were. He looked around and saw 1 boy, girl and his teacher on the floor. His teacher was unresponsive, the boy and the girl were tending to each other. Evan Hansen had seen a dead person. He couldn't hold it in anymore and he burst out crying. He dropped the canvas to the floor and his hands met his head. "Evan!" A soft shout came from the doorway. It didn't take a genius to realise this was Connor's voice. Evan soon felt two arms slap around his body and pull him in. Evan hugged Connor tight and didn't want to let go. He buried his face in Connor's shirt. "Baby, baby it's okay I'm here now. It's alright. It's alright..." Connor attempted to soothe Evan but Evan's anxiety just got worse. 

"I-I thought you were hurt, I thought you were really really hurt I thought you were  _dead!"_ Evan sobbed with a shaking voice. 

"Evan!" The grip tightened closing the gap between the two of them and Evan wasn't letting go. "Wait..what class has Zoe got?"

"I-I don't know..." Evan whimpered. Connor didn't say anything but wormed away from his boyfriend. "I'LL BE BACK!" Connor shouted, fleeing into the hallways, leaving Evan to wonder whether Connor would.

* * *

Zoe was in English, which was a floor below Art. She was studying  _Of Mice And Men_ and had just gotten to the part where they met Curley's wife. "SHE A HOEEEEEEEE!" Zoe shouted at the screen and everyone laughed. (i did this today actually) That was when class 8G heard the gun shots. The lights clicked off and Zoe held her best *mutual* friend, Caroline Andes (ugh that name has such a backstory to one of my first major fics :')) as the door was locked. The blinds went down on the windows and the windows on the doors. They sat in silence. Shots were heard and there was the sound of running outside the door and something crashing. "HANDS UP GET YOUR HANDS UP!" That's what was being shouted from outside the door. The door was bashed until it was unlocked. "HANDS UP! LINE IN AN ORDERLY FASHION!" The SWAT team shouted. None of Zoe's class was effected, but as she walked out with the team, she noticed blood on the floors. And she realised. She had  _no clue_ whether Connor, Evan or Alana were alright. 

 

 


	16. Changes Are Upon Us Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe weaved through the crowds of classmates on the grounds to the school. And she couldn't see Connor. She couldn't see Connor, or Evan. She broke down in tears on the ground, Alana holding her shoulder. Zoe couldn't believe it. She'd lost her brother for definite this time.

Zoe followed the SWAT team outside where people were crying, they were scared, and they cried harder when they saw their sibings and their friends. And Zoe wanted to experience the same emotional rejoice that the rest of them had. And she couldn't. Because nowhere in sight was her brother, her brother or her best friend. "ZOE!" A strong heart-wrenching shriek spread through the crowds; Zoe's head whipped around to see Alana running full speed at her. She ran towards her soulmate and she felt her heart hammering inside her chest. "I thought you were gone!" Alana cried. Zoe couldn't speak. Not because she was speechless, because she was crying so hard. "We have to find Connie, Zo." Alana reassured Zoe as the two weaved through the crowds of classmates on the grounds to the school. And she couldn't see Connor. She couldn't see Connor, or Evan. She broke down in tears on the ground, Alana holding her shoulder. Zoe couldn't believe it. She'd lost her brother for definite this time....or had she?

* * *

"Fucking run Connor we're not dying tonight!" He growled under his breathe as he sprinted down the stairs. He'd been an idiot to leave Evan alone like that with no notice, but it's all worth it if nobody dies, right? "Connor that was an awful thing to say." He gritted his teeth and continued running, ignoring the searing stitch he had in his hip. It woud all be worth it, that's what he kept telling himself, it would all be worth it. But would it? Every bad scenario raced through Connor's head as he approached an English classroom. "SHE A HOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Connor heard that from inside and he knew that was Zoe. The shooter made his way down the corridor and made eye contact with Connor. Connor stood his ground and  stared at the shooter. The shooter began to fire several rounds and Connor managed to miss most of them.  _Most of them._ He felt something hit him and it was cold and it was loud and everything went slow motion. Connor, he'd been shot. He didn't know how many times, but the lights went off in Zoe's classroom, and Connor, with all the strength he had, ran towards the shooter. And he leaped and he pinned the shooter down. "HANDS UP!" someone shouted from behind him. It was the police. Another cop took the shooter's arms as another supported Connor against a wall. The SWAT teams soon came and escorted the classes outside. And Connor had been shot. "There's a student bleeding out outside 8G." A cop said over his radio. Around 2 minutes after the radio, a medic was sent up to go and get him. He was taken to the ambulance. Connor Murphy had got shot, and it was worth it, because nobody else died that day.

* * *

Evan realised soon around 10 minutes after his anxiety had gone away, but he still didn't have the strength to go and even if he did, the bodies would trigger it all over again. "Evan?" A voice shouted from down the corridor, more specifically his mother's voice. Heidi locked eyes with her son and ran full speed into the art room. "Oh my god Evan honey it's okay it's all over. Are you hurt?" Evan shook his head. Heidi was a medic so it was right that she was here. "Have you seen Connor?" Evan asked. Connor hadn't come back. Heidi shook her head and helped Evan up. "I'm going to take you, Zoe and Alana back to ours. I double checked with Cynthia and she said it was probably safer  seeing as she was still at work." Evan was unsure to whether he should bring up the fact that he had almost been shot, but he held his canvas and slowly, but surely, made his way out of the building with his mother. "EVAN!" Zoe screamed and ran over to him. Zoe slammed her body into Evan's and the two hugged. "Evan where's Connor?" 

"The last thing he said was something that he was going to find you!" Evan stammered. Zoe let go and nodded to Heidi. 

"I'll message him to let him know where we are." Zoe pulled out her phone. "Guys....Connor sent me this and it says 

_From Connor Murphy_

_Subject: Zoe Murphy_

_Hey Zo, I can only message you via email currently seeing as if I go to my messages I'll cry and I'm not crying in an ambulance. So, guess who got shotttttttttt. That's not something to be proud of but I pinned the fucking shooter down and I got shot in my left shoulderblade so I'm being taken to hospital now. Keep yourself safe Zoe, I'll message mom to pick me up. It's not a major wound so they'll stitch me up and I'll see you tomorrow_

_Connor x_

"Oh my god...." Alana was crying, but she didn't know. 

"He pinned down the shooter, I heard someone pin him down, I didn't know it was my idiot brother! And so many rounds were shot..." Zoe ranted on.

* * *

So Connor was in hospital, and Zoe was sitting in her pyjamas on Evan's surprisingly warm basement floor. The three had agreed on having a sleepover to ease their minds. So Connor was in hospital and Evan was fiddling with the heating trying to make it as cosy as possible for his two best friends. So Connor was in hospital and Alana was emailing Connor backwards and forwards. So Connor was in hospital and Heidi had gone back in to work to treat him specifically. So Connor was in hospital and Cynthia was by his bedside, trying to give herself some freedom by not telling Larry. So Connor was in hospital and his arm hurt like hell. He defended himself and he stood by his word. He didn't die, and thanks to him, who only got shot once, he made sure nobody else died that day. So Connor Murphy was in hospital, and the school had been informed about Connor's bravery. So Connor was in hospital, yet he was a hero to many. 

 

 

 


	17. I Will Happily Murder You, You Fucking Idiot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're a fucking idiot, Connor!" The girls had gone for a walk somewhere. Connor smiled and seemed to think Evan was joking. Evan was, in fact, not joking. He was, in fact, extremely pissed. "No you're not. You will be for a few hours and then you'll want me." Connor got up from the chair and strode across the basement, which was still warm, to his boyfriend   
> "YOU FUCKING LEFT ME ALONE!"  
> "Evan, the shooter went the other way, I needed to make sure Zoe was okay!"  
> "That doesn't change anything Con-" But Connor had already slammed his lips into Evan's. They both needed each other, and they needed each other now.   
> -  
> really bad attempt at mentioning of smut idk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY so basically what happened was, as you know from Part 1, is that there was a shooting. Evan basically almost died, Zoe and Alana are okay, Connor got hit in his left arm and is currently hospitalised. He took down the shooter cause he's the man.

"Zoe's probably going to murder me-" Connor started as the doctor began to stitch the bullet hole. "SHIT!" Connor accidentally screamed and covered his mouth with the free hand. "Sorry!" He said apologetically. It was the same day of the shooting, but a few hours afterwards, and Cynthia was by Connor. She smiled as she listened to Connor's rants. "Yeah so anyways  _Zoe_ is definitely going to murder me."

"She won't murder you, Connie." 

"Either she or Evan will. And it's more likely to be Zoe than Evan. Actually I don't think I've ever seen Evan angry mom-" Connor rambled. 

"Yes?" 

"D-Do you think Larry knows?" Cynthia had to pause. Does Larry even watch the news? The word must have been getting around seeing as a total of 15 died in that shooting. So yeah, it was most definitely on the news by now. 

"Unlikely, Connor."

"Good!" Connor let go of the breathe he had been keeping from the world. 

"Alright you're done Connor here's your medication and forms for your mother to fill in." The doctor ushered on. 

"Connor you go." Cynthia allowed Connor to wait outside the door. A few moments later, Cynthia emerged from the white-lighted room. "Wanna hear something?" The red-headed woman began, walking with her son, who was taller than her. 

"Go on then."

"Okay so, for Zoe's birthday, which is in December, me and Heidi have been talking and we've been thinking that we should buy a shared house. Obviously, we've already found our soulmates so not romantically, but we thought it would be nicer for you and Zoe to have Evan around you instead of it just being Heidi and Evan." 

"Pretty sick idea. Shit! Can I go and see Evan? i need to talk to him and he smashed his phone." Connor strapped himself into the car.

"Of course! I'll drop you off at Heidi's, Heidis at work by the way." Connor rolled his eyes as he put his hands in his pockets. 

* * *

"You think Connie's okay?" Evan asked, staring at the ceiling fan. 

"I hope so! I hope he isn't unconscious and stays in a year long coma like last time."

"Yeah that was pretty scary..." Alana returned from upstairs with snacks. Evan tucked his legs into his nightshirt. Zoe and Evan hadn't stopped worrying about Connor all night. And Alana was basically babying the two teens. It wasn't long before the three were asleep. 

As the sun peeped through the basement window, Alana and Zoe began to awaken. They both woke up at the first sign of sun without curtains, and no matter how early they woke up, they both manage to stay positive throughout the day. The two girls walked upstairs to see Heidi lounged on the couch. "Hey Heidi, we're gonna go on a walk. If Connor turns up, message Alana." Zoe said. Heidi smiled and nodded them off. And with that, Zoe and Alana went on their walk. 

* * *

Cynthia pulled up to the drive of Heidi's house. Connor was desperate to see Evan. Evan happy again. He'd slept at his house for the night because he didn't want to wake the whole Hansen household up. She let herself in and sat next to her friend. "He's downstairs." Heidi said. Connor nodded and walked down to the basement where he saw his angelic boyfriend asleep. His navy blue leather jacket rubbed against his arms, but he sat on a chair next to Evan. The brunette figured out a way to wake Evan up without Evan knowing it was him, so he gently tugged on the blinds that were already half opened and they opened. Evan stirred in his sleep and mumbled "Zoe pull the binds down..." Evan yawned and sat up. Evan's face glowed against the rising sun and his head turned towards his boyfriend. "Connor!" Evan gasped as he managed to sleepily stumble his way into Connor's arms. "You're an idiot." Evan nuzzled Connor's neck before letting go. "Wait no, you really are! You're a fucking idiot, Connor!" Connor smiled and seemed to think Evan was joking. Evan was, in fact, not joking. He was, in fact, extremely pissed and he walked to the other side of the basement to face the wall. "No you're not. You will think that for a few hours and then you'll want me." Connor got up from the chair and strode across the basement, which was still warm, to his boyfriend.   
"YOU FUCKING LEFT ME ALONE!"  
"Evan, the shooter went the other way, I needed to make sure Zoe was okay!"  
"That doesn't change anything Con-" But Connor had already slammed his lips into Evan's. And the amount of relief that filled Connor when Evan kissed back was high. They both needed each other, and they needed each other now. When the two pulled away, they were both trying to maintain the heat that was in their crotch area. "BOYS!" Heidi shouted. 

"YEAH MOM!" Evan shouted back, trying to sound less horny as possible. 

"WE'RE GOING GROCERY SHOPPING FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS, WE'LL SEE YOU THEN!" 

"K!" Evan responded, and after being satisfied with the fact that they'd both heard the door lock, the two found their way into each other's arms again. The two were moaning through the kisses and soon Evan began pulling at Connor's jacket. Connor took that as a sign and began undressing himself  _and_ Evan. As soon as Evan was fully undressed, he blushed. Connor smiled at him. "Evan."

"no."

"Evan look at me."

"dontwanna."

"Evan, you look so gorgeous." Connor placed his hand on Evan's shoulder. "Now do you want prep or no prep?" 

* * *

An hour later and the door clicked open. Zoe was unaware that her brother and her best friend were fucking each other, hard, 5 minutes before, but hell she didn't even know Connor was here. "EVAN IT'S ME AND ALaAaANA CONNOR OH MY GOD!" She jumped on her brother and hugged him tight. "I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU YOU NEED TO STOP TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF!"

"Zoe listen a minute okay, he was  _right_ outside your English class, and I wasn't letting you die any time soon. I got stitched up, I'm fine." Connor reassured. But Zoe seemed suspicious. "Evan did you fuck my brother while we were gone." Zoe raised any eyebrow at Evan as the fair haired boy went bright red. 

"Actually, yes he did and it wad fairly nice thankyou. And I bet you and Alana were fingering each other in the middle of the street." Connor smirked.

"WOAHHHHH!" Alana shouted as her soulmate shoved into her brother, hard. And everything was okay, in the end. 

 

 

 


	18. When The Going Gets Tough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when you find out the cause of your illness is pregnancy? What if you realise sooner or later your soulmate is going to find out because she'll know it's not hers. What happens when you realise you can't raise it, but you want to keep it? But the major thing is your family. How will they react? Will they accept you as they did before or will they look at you differently?  
> -  
> "ZOE DO YOU MIND!" Connor shouted over the noise of the vomiting in the background.   
> "I'm fucking ill leave me alone..." Zoe said breathlessly as she emerged from the bathroom. She had her hair in a messy bun and didn't really care about her appearance.   
> "You've been supposedly ill for 2 months. And me, a Murphy, knows you, Zoe Murphy, is keeping a secret from her older brother."  
> "I'm not."  
> "You are."  
> "I'm NOT CONNOR OKAY!" And Zoe turned her back and quick walked back to her room. She slammed the door shut and opened her drawer. She clutched the tiny white test and tears began to fall on to her bed sheets. Everyone was going to hate her. Everyone was going to disown her. A 17, soon 18 year old, having a kid? Who would have thought? Certainly not Zoe this time last year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> mild mentions of r*pe  
> teen pregnancies  
> -  
> this story just gets progessively worse all the time

An hour later and the door clicked open. Zoe was unaware that her brother and her best friend were fucking each other, hard, 5 minutes before, but hell she didn't even know Connor was here. "EVAN IT'S ME AND ALaAaANA CONNOR OH MY GOD!" She jumped on her brother and hugged him tight. "I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU YOU NEED TO STOP TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF!"

"Zoe listen a minute okay, he was  _right_  outside your English class, and I wasn't letting you die any time soon. I got stitched up, I'm fine." Connor reassured. But Zoe seemed suspicious. "Evan did you fuck my brother while we were gone." Zoe raised any eyebrow at Evan as the fair haired boy went bright red. 

"Actually, yes he did and it wad fairly nice thankyou. And I bet you and Alana were fingering each other in the middle of the street." Connor smirked.

"WOAHHHHH!" Alana shouted as her soulmate shoved into her brother, hard. And everything was okay, in the end. 

* * *

But was it? Was it smart for Zoe to go to that Freshman party so many people had been talking about? Was it smart for Zoe to allow herself to drink that mysterious concoction suggested to her by this teen her age. Was it smart to allow herself to be dragged up to his room and for him to lay eagerly panting the words "Soulmates can fuck off." With a wild glint in her eye. Was it alright for her to wake up in his bed the next morning, sneak out in the window, with bruises on her inner thigh? Now what was she going to do. Out of everyone at the party, why her? So many questions raced through her head as she creeped back into her bedroom, running her hands on her bruises, wincing in pain. So lived cautiously, making sure not to trust anyone too much. Anyone except Alana, Evan and her brother. Connor. Of course she'd trust Connor now wouldn't she? After everything she's done for him and he goes and tries to get himself pulled off the plug! The next few weeks were as if she were tiptoeing on glass, carefully but painfully. And then she realised it.  _She'd missed her period._ "No no no no no this can't be happening..." She didn't break down, she was just...shocked. But it had yet to be confirmed. So she went to the store and bought a pregnancy test. She used a self scan machine and wore several layers of heavy clothing to give the impact to that she was older than 17. God, a 17 year old carrying someone other than her soulmates child? Who'd of thought?! But she walked home. "I'M BACK!" She shouted, but nobody answered. It was a Sunday. Connor was at Evan's, presumably and her mother was probably grocery shopping. She ran to the bathroom and locked it, knowing that she was home alone, but was she taking chances? This could change her life. "Okay Zoe, one line for absent, two for positive." So she took a deep breathe and took the test. "2 minutes." She pulled the lid of the seat down and tapped her foot on the ground. So many questions raced through her mind. How would she tell Alana she's carrying someone elses child? She shook her head. 2 minutes had passed and she looked at the test just in time to see the second line forming. "It's faulty!" She laughed and pulled another out her jean pockets. Seeing as when has one ever bought just one test? And she waited another 2 minutes.  _Same results._ "Oh my god I'm actually pregnant..." Her pupils widened as she looked in the mirror and noticed her hands were on her stomach. She sighed and heard the front door unlock. "ZOE IT'S ME!" Connor shouted. 

"YEAH I GATHERED!"

* * *

And then it was the summer holidays. Connor was home for 7 weeks, and so was Zoe. And Zoe was now 2 months pregnant. She'd been experiencing morning sickness for 3 weeks now. She'd started early with the signs. Maybe that had to do with the fact that she was younger? But the nauseating urge to vomit hit her again as she ran to the bathroom. "ZOE DO YOU MIND!" Connor shouted over the noise of the vomiting in the background from his room. He was lying on top of his bed on his phone.  
"I'm fucking ill leave me alone..." Zoe said breathlessly as she emerged from the bathroom. She had her hair in a messy bun and didn't really care about her appearance. Who would if you felt this shit? Zoe looked at her brother through the doorframe, wishing to be asleep.   
"You've been supposedly ill for 3 weeks. And me, a Murphy, knows you, Zoe Murphy, is keeping a secret from her older brother."  
"I'm not."  
"You are."  
"I'M NOT CONNOR OKAY!" And Zoe turned her back and quick walked back to her room. She slammed the door shut and opened her drawer. She clutched the tiny white test and tears began to fall on to her bed sheets. Everyone was going to hate her. Everyone was going to disown her. A 17, soon 18 year old, having a kid? Who would have thought? Certainly not Zoe this time last year. "ZOE I DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING!" Connor shouted from the hallway. "IT WAS JUST-" He pushed her door open and saw his sister, cross legged on her bed, clutching a white test. Zoe's eyes went wide. So Connor was about to find out. Great. "Zoe." Connor said sharply, looking at Zoe. Zoe felt his eyes on her. "What's that?" Connor went full big brother mode. He was worried about his sister. 

"It's a thermometre!" Connor raised an eyebrow and entered her room. "It's nothing really!"

"Then why is there another one in your drawer?" Connor knelt down and his hand outstretched to grab the other white stick but Zoe became protective. 

"I've told you! It's nothing!"

"Then, Zoe Murphy, if it's nothing, you wouldn't mind me looking!"  _Zoe he has to find out some time or another_

"Fine." So Connor took the stick out the drawer and looked at it. The lines, the images. They were all so similar, and then it clicked. 

"Zoe. Are you-"

"Yep." There was a pause. 

"Oh my god Zoe, what about Alana?"

"That's the thing I'm worried about." Connor sat next to Zoe on her bed. 

"What about you? You're not the kind of person to go around and fuck everyone! That's me- sorry wrong time, but Zoe...were you-"

"Yep." Tears filled Zoe's eyes as she broke eye contact with her brother and threw the test she was holding into the now empty draw. She didn't need to hear the rest of Connor's sentence, she already knew what it was. "I'm going to kick his ass..."

"Connor please!" Zoe begged as Connor stood up and his fists flew into tight balls.  _"_ I don't want you to tell anyone. I was thinking about getting an abortion but...oh my god I'm a mess! And you're my brother and I didn't want anyone to find out yet and I just feel so ill all the time and Alana's going to shoot me and you and Evan are so happy all the time and-"

"What do you mean by 'You and Evan are so happy all the time?" Connor stared back at his sister who had gone silent. "Have you and Alana had an argument?" Zoe nodded. Connor sat back down and Zoe hugged him. "Okay but we've got to tell mom at some point." 

"C-Can you do it? I think I'd pass out."

"Just say when and I will Zo. But you've got to understand, I'm your big brother and I will worry about every little thing you do."

"Don't try and make it obvious I'm pregnant, please Con." Zoe smiled as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. 

"I'm promising nothing! But if you're starting a family, I might as well propose to Evan!" Connor joked and Zoe slapped him. "I'm joking, but there's going to be a mini Zoe running around the place!"

"Unless it's a boy."

"Unless it's a boy then it will be the spitting image of whoever the fuck did this to you."

"CONNOR!" Zoe shouted. 

"SORRY!" Connor shouted back. They were siblings being siblings. And that was alright, wasn't it? It was going to be a long remaining 7 months, but now she has half a weight lifted off her shoulders. She wasn't going to tell Alana just yet, she might tell Cynthia herself when Connor's out. She might tell Heidi as well, seeing as Heidi's a professional nurse who was by Connor a few months back. And Evan, it might just break Evan. But all that's to come. This is the moment, and Connor took it surprisingly well. 

 

 


	19. When Connor Steps In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Mom I need to speak to you." Zoe was itching with nerves. She promised Connor she wouldn't say anything until he was home, but...the suspense was killing her. "Sure, honey!" Cynthia said, sitting to face her daughter.   
> "I'm pregnant." Zoe finally said. She couldn't look at her mother in the eyes.   
> "You're 17! Are you cheating on Alana?"  
> "No it's not like that-"  
> "Zoe Murphy, I can /not/ believe you!" Cynthia said, slightly raising her voice.   
> "SHE WAS R*PED CYNTHIA!"   
> -  
> or the one where Connor is big bro 2.0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> r*pe, i won't type the word, ever.

2 months. That's how long the secret had gone on for between Zoe and Connor. And Zoe was starting to show. "Con..." Zoe whispered into Connor's room. "Con!" She said, slightly louder, catching attention. "Hey Zo, what's up?"  
"I need you to tell Alana, I'm starting to show."  
"holy shit..." Connor practically jumped up. He looked at his tired sister with scared eyes.  _He thought she was lying, he hoped it was a lie._  
"I need to tell Alana, and I need to tell mom....Connor I can't do it!" Zoe became flustered and Connor tried to calm her.   
"Right, I'm going to go and speak to Alana, now. You dare say anything to Cynthia whilst I'm gone and I'll kill you." Connor said, grabbing his car keys from his bedside table leaving Zoe alone, again. 

* * *

"Driving to Alana's about to explain everything  about her sm to herrrrrrrrrrrr." Connor sang to himself, hopping in his car. He was scared, well, slightly nervous to say the least. He was about to explain to his sister's sm (Soulmate) why he was an uncle. And he pulled up to Alana's house. "Here goes nothing Con...." He said, clutching his phone in his pockets. He knocked on the door and heard a running down the stairs. Alana enthusiastically opened the door. "Connor! Oh my god I'm sorry for everything-"

"Alana you need to let me in."

"What? Is something wrong?"

"Yeah. Drastically." He said and sitting in the grey-scheme house. Everything was grey except Alana's room which was lilac and mint green and had plants littered literally everywhere. "Connor. What's happened and why are you here?"

"Wanna know? Okay so I'm gonna try to sound as less sarcy as I possibly can so. You remember when I got back from hospital? Zoe went to that freshmen party? Well-"

"Don't say it!"

"But it's true. That's what happened. And then you two had an argument. Two months ago, Zoe became really ill and she was clutching something in her hand and I asked her about it and she said it was nothing and it was obviously something because she wouldn't be so protective. So I told her, if it's nothing, she'd let me look, and she confided. So I looked. And it was a positive pregnancy test."

"W-what?"

"Zoe, being the kind hearted person she was, is having her one night abuser's baby because she didn't want to give up a life. And if that isn't the biggest Zoe thing you've ever heard, I don't know what is?" 

"Oh my god..."

* * *

"FUCC IT! Zoe Murphy, you are marching down there and telling Cynthia Murphy you're pregnant. Shit Connor's going to be pissed, if he finds out." She put on a brave smile and walked down the stairs. "Mom I need to speak to you." Zoe was itching with nerves. She promised Connor she wouldn't say anything until he was home, but...the suspense was killing her. "Sure, honey!" Cynthia said, sitting to face her daughter.   
"I'm pregnant." Zoe finally said. She couldn't look at her mother in the eyes.   
"You're 17! Are you cheating on Alana?"  
"No it's not like that-"  
"Zoe Murphy, I can _n_ _ot_ believe you!" Cynthia said, slightly raising her voice.   
"SHE WAS R*PED CYNTHIA!" Zoe clicked her neck around to see Connor standing at the doorframe. To say the least, he wasn't impressed. "Zoe." She nodded and looked back at her mother one last time before guiltily following her brother up the stairs. "You swore on it, you wouldn't tell mom."

"Connor please..."  
"Zoe! You could have gotten shot!"  
"Connor you don't rule me!"  
"Yes! I know that! But I just got you're girlfriend back. Also I'm thinking of proposing to Evan soon, is 19 too young?" (Oh yeah, Connor was 19 now seeing as the accurate date for this chapter is March 15)

 

 


	20. My Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He's gorgeous"   
> August 17th. Two different events had occured. Two to shake the Murphy family once and for all.
> 
> OBC: Original Broadway Cast

"What's on your mind?" Connor asked, painting Zoe's nails. She was due to have the baby any time now and she was obviously spaced out. 

"What's on  _yours."_ Zoe smiled back. 

"Count of 3?" Connor asked and Zoe nodded. 

_3..._

_2..._

_1..._

_"_ I'm scared..." The two siblings said and they both looked up into each other's eyes. Zoe could see the genuine look of fear in her elder brother's hazelish grey eyes. Connor could see the tiredness in Zoe's pale green eyes. "I'm scared because I'm 18 for christ's sakes and I'm about to have this baby and oh my god. Me and Alana still haven't chosen names yet. It's so much pressure and he isn't even here yet." Zoe let a tear fall on to her duvet. 

"Well, Zo, I'm scared because I'm planning on proposing to Evan tomorrow. It's taken me 6 months to work up the courage. We're going on a date tomorrow. I'm scared he's going to reject me. I'm scared of so so much. And if he says yes! Where do we start?" The two siblings looked at each other and laughed nervously.  _Tomorrow._

* * *

"Evan Hansen." Connor said, throwing his cigarette out the window. 

"Connor Murphy." Evan smiled. In the past few months, Evan had grown a lot more comfortable with himself and around others. It was no surprise now that he could confidently say a good few sentences without stuttering. Connor was about to change that.

"You ready to go?" Connor asked with a smile as he looked at his glowing boyfriend. Evan had grown his hair out slightly longer and it had began to curl in places. He was also wearing a blue shirt and a white jacket over the top. Evan accompanied his top half with white jeans and navy converse's. Connor, himself, had his hair in a low ponytail, that, he hated to admit it, made him look like Lin-Manuel Miranda in the OBC of Hamilton. The brunette also wore his tight black leather jacket, a black t-shirt that had white faded lettering he couldn't depict anymore, black jeans and his boots. He also had a ring in his pocket. A very special crafted ring personalised to Connor's liking. It was a silver band that had leaves engraved all the way around the exterior fitted with a sapphire. On the interior, it had the date Connor and Evan had found out they were soulmates and Evan's initials. Evan nodded. He was practically bouncing. This was his first date with Connor for the first time in around a year. A proper date, just Connie and him. And that was what made Evan feel happy. Knowing it was just his perfectly handsome soulmate and him. Now, the only thing Connor hated about Evan was how fucking oblivious he was to everything, but it also gave him a golden chance to propose. 

* * *

"Lana this isn't the time." Zoe was holding on tight to the handle in the car. She'd gone into labour a while ago, she hadn't kept track exactly, but to say the least, she was in pain and time seemed to be going slow as hell. "Darling I'm going as fast as I can!" Alana was panicking. Her, a mom! Holy shit. As exciting as it was, she couldn't focus on that directly now. She had to get her girlfriend, her  _soulmate_ safely to the hospital. It was scary thinking about how in possibly a few hours Alana would be holding a tiny baby in her arms. Zoe was thinking of anything  _but_ her baby right now. When Connor was going to propose to Evan, trees, A La Mode, Cynthia, Alana's poor driving. And then it it her, she didn't have a name for the baby...

* * *

"Connie look! It's a b a b y r h i n o c e r o u s!" Evan said, his voice high pitched with excitement as he looked into the pen. Connor had taken his beloved to the zoo for a few hours, then they were going to an orchard where Connor was going to propose. And to be perfectly honest with himself, Evan made Connor complete. Without Evan, Connor would be dead. No question. He'd be gone, a figment of your imagination. "Okay my angel, it's getting late. Ready to go?" Evan nodded and grasped Connor's hand tightly. He leant his head against Connor's arm, which was surprisingly muscular, Evan had noticed. Connor and Evan were driving in the car, Hamilton: An American Musical blaring through the speakers. And surprisingly, the boy who isolated himself for many many years was there screaming the lyrics, his blue eyes twinkling. "SITTING THERE USELESS AS TWO SHITS-"

"Evan you swore!"

"You swear all the time!" Evan pouted. 

"Your too innocent to swear babe." Connor ruffled his boyfriend's hair as he pulled up to an orchard, noticeably nearby a hospital. Evan let out the tiniest scream Connor had ever heard and with every smile Evan produced, Connor's heart grew larger and tightened with love. The only thing that would complete him would be if Evan said yes. They strolled through the orchard, taking in the new surroundings. It was the first time the two boys had been to this orchard and there were many more types of trees than the one back home. Rowan trees, Ash trees, Birch, Oak, Spruce. You name it, they probably had it (fun fact my boyfriend's called Rowan :/.) And in the very same orchard was an insanely cool Jared Kleinman. Yes,  _the_ Jared Kleinman, as in the dick who kissed Evan all those years ago, hired by Connor to photograph his engagement. And Jared was there for it, he'd taken a courier in photography when he wasn't working at Lush. (I'M THE CLICHE QUEEN BUT I HAD TO WEAVE JARED AND HIS LOVE FOR BATHBOMBS IN SOMEWHERE.) They found a lake. And remember the part where it said that Connor hadn't been to this orchard before? He lied. He'd been here multiple times with Zoe for fun. They approached a clearing with a lake and the sun was just setting. "Perfect..." Connor muttered to himself. 

"Hmm?" Evan asked, a grin on his face. 

"Ev, we had a rocky relationship at the start of all this. And we've bought out the best in each other right?" Evan nodded, still facing the sunset. Connor took this as the chance to get on one knee and get the ring out his pocket. "And you understand, the first time I saw you, you were the anxious kid in Math class just checking the time sitting at the front who accidentally made eye contact with the 'school shooter' who had been on his phone all lesson." 

"Yep!" Evan smiled glancing over to Connor. 

"And you have to understand you've made me a better person so Mark Evan Hansen-"

"Evan, Connie. You know that."

"I know, but will you marry me?"

"Yes!" Evan squeaked happily sliding the ring on to his own finger admiring it. "Why's Jared in a tree?" Evan asked, oblivious. Connor smiled and shook his head. 

"My phone's ringing hold on. Hello, Connor Murphy speaking."

"CONNOR IT'S ALANA, ZOE JUST HAD THE BABY. AND HE'S GORGEOUS"  
August 17th. Two different events had occured. Two to shake the Murphy family once and for all.

 

 


	21. He Kinda Just...Stopped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Connie!" Zoe exclaimed, running towards her elder brother, forcing the baby into Alana's arms.  
> "What. What's happened. YOU TELL ME WHERE EVAN IS AND YOU TELL ME NO-"  
> "Connie, he stopped taking his meds."  
> -  
> Or the one where Connor finds out Evan wasn't taking his meds a few months after their engagement and he gets pissed and there's a lot of crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imagine Venom Symbiote and Eddie Brock. That's Evan in this chapter.   
> TW:  
> Not taking medication  
> Thoughts of suicide  
> LIES  
> Voices inside your head that try to drive you insane  
> -

"CONNOR! IT'S ALANA. ZOE JUST HAD THE BABY AND HE'S GORGEOUS!" Alana told Connor down the line, holding Zoe's hand as Zoe cradled the baby boy with the other arm. "Okay! Okay I'll see you soon!" Alana hung up the phone and turned back to the younger girl. "They're in the orchard literally beside the hospital!" The tanned girl grinned widely at the tired girl beside her. 

"What did I tell you? And did you believe me?" Zoe couldn't take her eyes off her son.  _Her own son!_ "Shit!"

"You ok?"

"Lana please let mom know! We told my asshole brother before my own mother oh my god." Zoe still wasn't taking her eyes off the miniature Zoe. He had fairly pale skin for a baby and he had chocolate brown hair, just like his mom. He was gorgeous. Seconds after this conversation, somehow, Connor and Evan had snook into Zoe's ward, specifically her room and scared the living daylights out of her. 

**_She's Happy, Unlike You_ **

"Shutup." Evan snapped angrily at the voice inside his head earning a concerned look from Connor. 

"Ev? Have you taken your meds today.

**_It's Obvious. He Knows._ **

"Yes." Evan lied. Secretly, Evan hadn't for the last 3 weeks. He was secretly hoping that if just...stopped taking his meds, it'd drive him to insanity, and with him not in control of his own body, maybe he'd die. He seemed to relax more at the thought of being dead than being happy nowadays. Even if he were to be announced Connor's husband in a year or so. "Ev. Come and sit down and look at him!" Connor tugged on Evan's sleeve, so Evan sat down. A good thing too, Evan almost passed out and became very pale when he sat down. "Are you okay Evan? You've gotten really pale." Alana asked. 

_ **Pale. In A Hospital. Mark Evan Hansen You Are So Wea-** _

"I'm fine. I just hate hospitals." Hospitals  _and_ living at the minute. But still, Evan lied because he wanted Connor to be happy. He didn't care about himself. Connor deserved the world. Evan deserved nothing. Evan was just Evan, a man with social anxiety who graduated college with basically nothing. The boy who fell in love with the grey-eyed, slim figure and just so happened to make eye contact at the right time. He fell in love with the guy who bought him to his senses, who pushed him down in the corridor, who supposedly hated Evan, and now they're engaged. And Evan is technically an uncle. "My name's Evan not Mark..." The blonde hissed furiously to the voices in his head under his breathe. Connor heard Evan the second time round talking to himself. He was genuinely worried about him. He never usually talks under his breathe. And he especially never mentions _that_ name, you know, his father's name? Connor reached for Evan's hand and was met by Evan's wandering eyes. Connor smiled at him and Zoe gasped. "Lana! Evan's got a ring on it!" She pouted, still holding the baby. "Can't believe you want to marry my dickhead brother, Evan!" Zoe passed the baby to Alana and she smiled. Evan gave a shaky laugh but didn't say anything. "So, Zoe Murphy and Alana Beck, have you thought of a name for my nephew?" That sounded extremely weird for those words to tumble out of Connor's mouth just effortlessly. 

_**They Should Name It "Evan Hansen Wants To Die" Because That'll Be A Reminder Of Your True Thoughts** _

Connor felt Evan's hand tighten meaning the rest of his fiancee must have tensed as well. Connor ignored the signs for now and focused on his sister. "Well, we thought of Kai, but then we thought of Adam. So he's called Adam-Kai Connor Murphy-Beck." Alana smiled. Zoe was shattered, bless her. But wow. Connor's nephew now has the Murphy reputation, it was expected of course, but it was slightly concering to why it was a middle name. "I don't wanna." Evan whispered again. Connor looked at Evan, who was looking at the bedsheets, and frowned disapprovingly. "Zo, we're gonna go, okay. And don't make yourself ill. I'll see you two tomorrow." Connor waved goodbye and pulled Evan up. The taller one basically dragged the smaller one through the hospital wards all the way to his car. Connor, with violence, opened the car door. "Get in." 

* * *

_**Someone's Angry.** _

"I'm no- oh. Y-You mean Connor." Evan tried to say it as quietly as possible, but his voice was trembling as he realised Connor was annoyed with him. What had he done? Possibly thousands of questions raced through his head. He knew he was going to cry during this 'conversation' and he knew he'd do nothing to prevent it. 

As soon as Evan was in the passenger seat,  Connor slammed the door shut and got into the drivers seat. As soon as he was in the drivers seat, he turned to Evan. "You said you were taking your meds." Evan's eyes dropped to the floor. 

_**He Knows About Us. About Me-** _

"I am t-taking my meds!" Evan's stutter was coming back. It had been gone for a while, and here it was, more proof Evan wasn't listening to Connor. 

"So why are you talking to yourself! Why has your stutter come back Evan?" Connor snapped, getting into gear and focusing his eyes to the road. 

_**Because You Know The Next Time He Sees You, You'll Be Dead** _

"No I won't." Evan said, possibly too loud. 

"There you go again! You're just talking to yourself!"

"I'm not!"

"I just heard you. Evan. I'm your  _soulmate_ for fucks sake! I'm concerned about you. What's going on, babe?" 

"N-Nothing!"

"Stop lying to me, Evan."

_**Because You Know The Next Time I See You, You'll Be Dead Too...** _

__"SHUTUP I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF!" Evan screeched out of nowhere. Then he realised, he was sitting in the car with his boyfriend, Connor Murphy.

* * *

 

Connor Murphy Definition:

_Name:_

Name: Often reffered to as 'A School Shooter,' addicted to cigarettes and drugs, has had suicidal thoughts in the past and has acted upon the very same thoughts. 

* * *

 

Let's just say the remainder of the car journey was extremely quiet. Evan tried to hide his sobs. Occasionally he caught Connor glancing over at him. But as soon as Evan looked at the Brunette, his eyes turned sharply back to the road. All Connor wanted to was to hold his Evan in his arms and to not let him go, to tell him he was going to be okay, to support him, but no. They were both sitting awkwardly in the car, Evan sobbing quietly and Connor fighting tears. Still, Connor dropped Evan off and sped home. He didn't care if he was going over the limit. He made it home where his mom was sitting on the couch. Connor threw his keys on the table and attempted to pass upstairs without being noticed. "Oh! Con, Zoe's out of the hospital. She called the baby Adam-Kai Connor Murphy-Beck isn't that sweet!" Cynthia said, not noticing Connor was in distress. 

"I know, I was there." Connor accidentally started crying and knew he had to get upstairs. 

"She's staying at Alana's seeing as her and Alana wanted to stay there and didn't want to disturb you how thoughtful is that?"

"Very, mom."

"Oh yes! I remember Zoe saying you and Evan went to visit her but you left fairly suddenly. She said it was because Evan was mumbling again is he ok?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"So something did happen! Connor come and sit down. I need to know so I can get in contact with Heidi." So Connor gave in and sat opposite his mother on the sofa. He hung his head and tears began to fall slightly quicker. "Evan only mumbles when he doesn't take his anxiety meds. Mom, he hasn't been taking his anxiety meds and he literally screamed in the car 'Shutup, I don't want to fucking kill myself.' How do you react knowing your fiancee is suicidal?"  Connor clasped a hand around his mouth. 

"Wow, today really has been eventful."

"Mom drop it! I could lose Evan and we had a fight on the way back and he was crying and I couldn't do anything and-. I'm scared he's going to end it."

"I'll be on the phone to Heidi. Don't worry, Con. You go to bed, don't fret about it." So Connor obeyed his mother for the first time in his life, tempted to whip out his new pack of razors but resisted heavily. He cried himself to sleep. 

* * *

"YES I'M OKAY! YES TODAY WAS GOOD. ZOE HAD THE BABY HE'S CALLED ADAM-KAI I'M GOING TO BED." Evan shouted to Heidi as he ran up the stairs. He secured himself in the comfort of the bathroom. He looked at his engagement ring. "Why. Why did you have to make me basically tell Connor I'm suicidal! You're my brain! You know how sensitive Connor is about that topic!" Evan cried. 

_**Because He's Rich, Evan. He'll Divorce You, You'll Lose The Case, You'll Owe Him Money.** _

"Stop stop stop! He won't, he  _wouldn't!"_

_**Evan, He's A Psychopath, Are You Sure You Want To Do This?** _

"Yes! I want to because I love hi-" And Evan's legs gave way and he hit the floor with slight force. Evan Hansen, engaged for approximately 2 hours, is now passed out on his bathroom floor due to his fiancee. Heidi heard a crash and knew something was up. She opened the door and rang Cynthia immediately. 

* * *

The next morning, Connor was awaken by the noise of Cynthia singing It's Quiet Uptown from Hamilton which wasn't a pretty sight. He went to approach the bathroom but was stopped by Zoe. "Connie!" Zoe exclaimed, running towards her elder brother down the corridor.

"What. What's happened." He knew by the look in her eyes it was- "YOU TELL ME WHERE EVAN IS AND YOU TELL ME NOW!" Zoe looked down in guilt.   
"Connie, he stopped taking his meds a-and Heidi found him passed out last night in the bathroom. Unconscious."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got new pyjamas and I feel like a walking blanket. Also I've had writers block for batshit ages. For Christmas I got the DEH novel and soundtrack (CD) even though I have it on spotify but everyone in my family knows I have a love for CDs so I ended up with that. That and the Backstreet Boy's album which is a sort of inside joke between my family? If you've seen that one Brooklyn 99 opening, you'll get it. I also, while writing this chapter, listened to SHRAMILTON: Non-Star-Shrek & Hamilton Mashup which is fire listen to it.   
> -  
> Sincerely, Me.


	22. Two Unlikely Lovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Move."  
> "Connor you'll only make it worse!"  
> "Are you Evan's fiancee, Zoe? Do you know what's best for him. No? Then step out of my way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> owo sorry bout that time to make it even worse

"Move."  
"Connor you'll only make it worse!"  
"Are you Evan's fiancee, Zoe? Do you know what's best for him. No? Then step out of my way." So Zoe stepped out of the way. Connor grabbed a hoodie he hasn't worn in fucking years, his leather jacket and his car keys and drove to Heidi's. He frantically knocked on the door, hiding the hoodie around his waist to make it look a part of his shirt. 

Meanwhile (madison was grappling with the fact that-) Evan was in bed, half awake, half knocked out by drugs, with his mother beside him. They both saw a silver car pull up in the driveway. "Who's that?" Evan mumbled before falling asleep once again. Heidi had persuaded Evan to get back on the anxiety meds. So the sandy blonde walked down the stairs, opened the door to see Connor looking quite frantic. "Is he alright?" Now, how should Heidi approach this, she thought. 

"He's fine. He won't want to see you for a while."

"Heidi please! It wasn't his fault. He said the words I don't want to fucking kill myself and that was the end of that. We didn't speak for half an hour. And I've just found out he was knocked out in the bathroom last night I'll do anything I just need to see him again!" 

"Upstairs to the left." Heidi stepped out of the way. Connor beamed a smile and made his way indoors. 

* * *

So Evan had transferred bedrooms, apparently. That or he went from a single bed to a king size pretty fucking quickly. And he was there, and he was sleeping. He was okay. Connor let out a sob of relief. And that seemed to stir the blonde slightly. But Connor, quietly, made his was across the room and sat on the edge of the bed. He couldn't help it he just sort of started singing Hamilton. "I have never been the type to try and grab the spotlight." Connor began to sing. He couldn't remember where in the hell in the past year and a half he'd learnt half of Hamilton, but he now knew an awful lot of songs. By the end of Helpless, he moved on to Satisfied. And from Satisifed, The Story Of Tonight Reprise and so on, so on. But soon, his fiancee had woken up and was staring at him. "Your hot!" Evan exclaimed before covering his mouth. 

"And your high on meds which is a good sign."

"Can I date you?"

"I'm your fiancee I should hope you want to be my boyfriend."

"We're engaged??? Since when??!"

"Yesterday, Evvy."

"Snuggle." And Evan attached himself to Connor's hips. "'M tired."

"Your high, that's what drugs do to you babe! Now come here." Evan looked at Connor with wide eyes as Connor slid on the hoodie on to Evan's torso. And almost just like that Evan snapped out of the trance. "What are you doing here and  _why_ am I wearing your hoodie." 

"Evan-"

"No! I get it, your still pissed at me for being suicidal and for not taking my meds. Obviously you're annoyed at me because I want to fucking end my life like you did and I couldn't tell you because  _you deserve the world_ and-"

"Evan shutup! You are my world. All I want is you right now. I've got a nephew, I've got a sister, my family is intact. You're my fiancee for fucks sake. After everything we've been through. After everything I've been through, I should know how your feeling. So let me try and help you. Yes or no." Evan sighed angrily. 

"Fine. But I  _don't_ need babying." Said the blonde boy who ended up sleeping in the same bed as Connor Murphy 5 hours later. Heidi walked in on the two snuggled up on the same bed and realised her son would get better with time with the help of this man, known as a psychopath. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the world's on fire, how bout yours


	23. It's Inevitable

Hey, this'll be the last chapter of this book. Reasons being is that I'm highly unmotivated to continue and I have so many ideas I need to get down for other books and, we've all been there, so this is going to be very short. 

* * *

EVAN POV:

Zoe swung her legs against the bed in the hotel room. I'd been in therapy for the past 2 years and...today we were getting married. Not me and Zoe, gosh! Me and...Con. Connor Murphy. Evan Murphy, that's who I'm going to be...and I can't wait. I stood at the front of the venue and Connor's hand snaked around mine. We said our I do's and kissed to seal the deal (no clue if I spelt seal right but ://) I love him. And I couldn't wait to spend eternity with him. And he knows. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you want this to have a chapter 2, let me know :) Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
